Mystical Mama

No Words

2012-02-08T10:13:00.000-08:00

Spring has come,
a humid breath
between,
beneath
these ancient oaks

With their mossy beards
slowly
growing

Unknown grasses,
Stems of unknown blossoms
Rising Up!
Emanating a thousand shades of green
I have never
seen before

Or have I?

Goldsmith once said
The World is New!

And so it is
When the windows to the soul
are cleansed

Here, such a beauty
and stillness

as to overtake
this small me
totally

And this poem,
this creation of the mind,
even
a heresy!
a bastardization

of silence.

Spring

moment

that cannot be
spoken.

To open my lips
to invent a stanza
and already
I have departed
from Truth!

But for now,
Dear Lord,
this, this
is all I have to give

My humble and inadequate
offering.

My Karma Ran Over Your ...

2012-02-03T11:04:00.000-08:00

Dogma!

Of course there will be dogma.

In one, brief conversation,
you and I can create a whole new dogma!

Play with your dogma
In the fields of self-discovery
or self-negation

But when you are ready for
total Freedom

You must let him
off the leash.

(The role problem, of course,
is the damn Catma.)

Apology Accepted?

2012-01-20T12:32:00.000-08:00

I want to apologize now,
this instant!

For every wrong
I have ever committed,
every last slender feeling
of yours,
anyone's!
I may have hurt
And to apologize for every
betrayal and abuse
ever inflicted by one human being
upon another
from the very dawn of homo sapiens
and into the future ...

Furthermore, I accept!
all the unspoken and still perhaps unseen apologies
perhaps due
to me
I forgive you on my own behalf
You, me and everyone else
for

Every snide remark
or forgetting to listen, or driving too fast,
Every lie and misunderstanding
Every slight or monumental
transgression
against the tender
and unshakable
Truth
of Who We Are.

One Thing.

I know that your delicate
and tender heart,
solid, liquid, gas
was born from the Self same
womb
as mine.

That beneath all our
preposterous exteriors
we so simply want
to Love
& be Loved.

As vulnerable,
as new born as the
damp unfolding
Monarch

How many kisses,
words of truth,
hours of listening,
sweet smiles,
firm "No's"
and shared silences

...

will it take
to restore you to
your Monarchy?

If I do not touch
you roughly
If I warm you with my breath
You may still fly

We may all still fly and

I believe

it is our

destiny

to do so.

And so, I will try,
again and again
to surrender to Love.

I may look
like an ordinary housewife
but every evening
for years and years
this has been my
wish upon a star

So be it.
You are loved.

And in the end, you may find you never needed me at all.

(Oh, but I do need you so!)

Actually, I Don't Really Know What I'm Doing

2012-01-08T14:05:00.000-08:00

My family and I are fresh off the boat from our post-Christmas, mid-New Year's trip to Taiwan with "Babu," their Chinese grandmother (and my Mom). It's nearing noon and the children are still passed out, slung out on couches and chairs in the living room, after several failed attempts to rouse them and get them right-side up (or upside down) with the time. Looks like we'll definitely miss the first day of post-vacation school. Oh well.

A wonderful, whirlwind trip--which I'll share more of in later posts--but a recent theme of mine, "I don't really know what I'm doing" was prevalent for me at key moments on the journey. And it's quite true, friends. Actually, I don't really know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing as a wife, as a daughter, as a parent. As anything, really.

Which is not to say that I am not enjoying being a wife, mother, daughter. Not to say that it's not often terrific, lovely, completing, transcendent and fun. It's just that it's quite clear to me, at moments, that I am lost and it all feels particularly hard--if not impossible; it seems I'm making an unsolvable mess of everything, and worst of all, ruining my children somehow.

Take for example the first moments of walking into our fab suite at a terribly luxe hotel (we had saved money via staying at some grungy but quite passable one and two star spots early on) at Sun Moon Lake, somewhat akin to our Lake Tahoe here in California. My eldest daughter immediately became terribly excited, overwrought almost, and immediately began to claim territory, including the only private room in the suite (with a door that closed) and a private bathroom just for her and her sister.

Well, this would not work. We had my mother and husband to think about. So Ali and her little sis were relegated to the master suite (open to the central living area) with a king bed and glass sliding doors to a massive bath, views of the lake, a central, stand alone tub encased in granite, and a double concrete sink. But this was not enough. No suitcases, she declared, would go in her room and no one was to come in, nor use the gorgeous bath, which was, by all rights, hers and her sisters alone. We grownups had the other bathroom; so that should be fair.

"And finally, selfishly, honestly, I really wanted to take a bath in that wild tub."

I was having a hard time with all of this, as you might imagine. In her words and actions, I suddenly saw Ali as a tyrannical Diva in her mid-twenties, entitled, spoiled, alienating all her friends as she claimed all the choicest options in life for herself. She would end up alone! All alone! And finally, selfishly, honestly, I really wanted to take a bath in that wild tub. My husband, on the other hand, had his head on straight.

"She's just excited," he said. "Let her calm down and we'll work this all out."

Well that went in like a the faintest glance of dew on a Gortex jacket. I should have just plopped my bags on the highly polished wood floor and laid down for a few brief moments, or rather many, many more moments to enjoy the view and let Ali get used to these new digs and the reality of our situation. But in my worry and agitation, I wound up on Alia's bed trying to talk some sense into her, when she told me that no one was allowed in her room, including me.

"Listening, hearing, understanding were not in place for either of us at that moment."

"Alright then, I'm leaving," I fumed. And I abruptly stood up and retreated to my lesser room. I said this in a tone (hurt, vengeful) that should be reserved just for adults--who can usually handle such tones. Ali came tearfully, apologetic, after me (what child can bear to feel they've lost their mother's love, even if only for a second?) and I proceeded to explain to her that this hotel was quite expensive, that we can't always have everything we want, that there are others to consider, etc. etc. But listening, hearing, understanding were not in place for either of us in the moment, and my darling, beloved, over-excited little girl wound up sitting by herself on the exquisitely tiled shower stall floor with the frosted glass door shut, crying.

It was one of those overly psychological moments that you never imagine having with your seven-year-old.

It's even painful to recount this story, this embarrassing episode of poor motherhood. And worst of all is that after her father turned the television on for the two girls to watch in their bed, I caught Ali sucking her thumb, something she has not done since the age of three.

Devastating.

So, to summarize, Ali continued to be somewhat obnoxious and wary the next day and I ... the best I could do was to fling my mental, emotional and spiritual hands up in the air.

"My God," I wailed silently to the lake, the distant mountains--all as if out of a painting in a fantastical Asian story book--"I don't know what I'm doing!"

The best I could do for the next couple days was to try to enjoy this fancy resort (which I did!), to stay somewhat quiet and to try to remember what was pure and good about my child. It was a struggle. Sometimes, I have to pretend, as a mom. I remember a good friend of mine once saying to me, in an embarrassed, ashamed voice,

"Sometimes I just don't like my child."

I loved that he said it. So I said it too.

"I think sometimes we all don't like our children," I replied. And yet, we do love them, somehow. How freeing to admit this--the hopelessness, the helplessness--of parenthood, sometimes.

I spent a lot of time in the very impressive Lalu library and read books with Ali when she crawled in next to me on the divan, seeking acceptance and attention. I did not really want to. I was annoyed, frightened, feeling awkward as a mom, wanting to somehow escape the role entirely. But I did read with her. We went biking. That was fun. I hugged and kissed her, hoping not too much, actually.

Intention, prayer, giving up all ideas that one knows anything at all about how to love this child, how to raise this child, taking my focus off the problem, actually--this is all that has ever worked for me. Trusting, as I wrote in the dedication to The Spark Inside, that wisdom always finds a way.

On the last night of our trip, we traveled by cab to Longshan temple in bustling Taipai. The exterior waterfall was lovely and inside, hundreds of entities stood in somewhat dusty, encased silence to be worshipped and prayed to. Incense smoke threatened to choke us all, and platters of food and fruits weighed down offering tables. Central to all was the golden statue of Quan Yin, female incarnation of the Buddha for some, goddess of mercy and compassion. I am not one for idols, and many of the prayers and activities here are of a superstitious nature--throwing smooth wooden, banana-shaped sticks for decision making purposes, asking for "things" and circumstances people think they want, or need.

"I needed someone else to step in and be the parent, the constant giver, for a moment, for a day, or more."

Ali said an interesting thing, after she asked what everyone there was doing.

"They are praying to these different Gods," I said.

"Well that's weird, because we all are God!" she replied.

"Yes," I said laughing. But I had fallen into another mood--impatient, feeling the need for space, distance, alone-ness. I needed someone else to step in and be the parent, the constant giver, for a moment, for a day ... or more!

I told my husband, "I'm going off by myself for a minute," and I did. I went to the statue of Quan Yin. And although I did not prostrate myself, I set my palms together in prayer position, closed my eyes, and I prayed.

"I don't know what I'm doing," I said again. "Please help."

Later, Ali asked me what I had done.

"I was praying," I said.

"You were?"

"Yes," I said. "Since God is everywhere, is everything, sometimes it's nice to have a little focus, something to pray to, knowing actually you are praying to God, God inside you and God everywhere."

"What did you pray for?"

"I prayed for wisdom, a clear mind, a better way of seeing things," I said.

"Did God answer you?" she asked.

"No. God did not answer me right away. But I do always get an answer, sometimes later. I get an answer when my mind is quiet. Do you know what I mean?"

She did not answer, but I could tell she was contemplating it all.

By the next day, something had shifted. Nothing dramatic. More like the feeling of having a toasty quilt pulled over you when you don't realize just how cold you have become. My husband woke up with a terrible muscle spasm in his neck, and was in no shape for parenting or anything, really. It was almost too much for him to have to carry luggage.

In a space of renewed quietude, love for my children came flowing out of me like the natural Formosa warm springs we had been soaking in; and I was able to mother, nurture, and keep my daughters fed and entertained through a three-hour flight into Tokyo, and a four-hour layover that was painfully extended by a two-hour delay at the Narita airport. Somehow, we enjoyed the whole thing. Alia had completely stopped sucking on the sleeves of her jacket and strands of her hair (which is normal for her when she is anxious or bored). She played with her sister quietly, imaginatively, for hours.

She's a loving girl, a sensitive and highly emotional girl. She cares deeply about her family and is extremely loyal to all of us. She has loads of energy and excitement and terribly grand ideas. She is seven, after all.

Later on, I don't remember when, nor whether on this side or the other side of the Pacific, of today or yesterday, she said to me:

"You're the best Mom ever!"

(Okay?)

And I replied:

"You know, I think that I am sometimes good, and sometimes not so good, but the important thing is that I love you very, very much."

###

This blog is for all you very real parents and caregivers out there. Human beings just like me.

With Love from your

Mystical (and human!) Mama

A Day in the Life

2011-11-17T12:09:00.000-08:00

Happy Autumn, Gentle Readers!

I've been taking time off to complete our move into our new home, to paint doors and trim, to buy couches and rugs ...

No, not a "teacher" at this time. Sometimes a mother, sometimes a wife, sometimes a housekeeper, chef, playmate, decorator, handywoman, hiker, meditator, negotiator.

Which role is there to play, now?

Allow each role to come to you, to find you, moment by moment. No need to be "prepared." Let that role become the deepest expression of yourself; be honest, open to your own invulnerable vulnerability.

Who am I?

No one. Nothing. Just this Space. Who will I be? ... The same.

Who was I? Also, yes, the same.

Energy with no name.

Here is a moment from one Mystical Mama's life, my autumn offering to you, Mystical Friend ...

It was another hectic morning, getting kids off to school, packing lunches, bribing, cajoling kids to brush teeth, get dressed, don shoes, pack up, load into car.

Then, finally at school, a deep sigh, not late today! My Kindergartner and I, holding hands, enter the gated courtyard that leads to her classroom. There is a giant, regal evergreen there and suddenly, the wind howls through, bending its branches, sending fallen leaves on the ground up in skittering swirls. We stop and watch and hear and feel ...

Standing within our own silence.

"Is it Fall?" asks my little one.

"Yes, it is." I say.

"I never saw Fall before!" she says.

There is silence ... silence ... silence.

"Yes, it's very cool, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

And here is your gift from God Herself to you, Most Precious One: this whole world. Your reality, as it is.

Can you see it? Do you see it? Heaven ...

Here.

Now.

You.

The Gifts of Sydney Banks

2011-10-18T16:44:00.000-07:00

How will I ever repay the tremendous gift of my own fortunate birth--to a courageous father who would follow a call to go and meet a man on a small and quiet island off the coast of Vancouver Island, Salt Spring?

Indeed the very salt of the earth sprang forth from this place in the form, the presence and the words of Mr. Sydney Banks. A welder with a ninth-grade education, his profound awakening, without a spiritual "path," without religion, without a form of meditation, a self-help technique or psychoanalysis; his "death" to ego, speaks so very much to us all.

Spiritual truth lives within us, it is alive within us. As it was alive in an "ordinary" person by the name of Syd. As it is alive within you!

This week's radio show reflects on both the gift of Sydney Banks that he shared with my father and the world, the "Three Principles" of Mind, Consciousness and Thought ... and the simple fact of his being--with honesty, love, kindness, generosity, humility and at the same time, great power and even ferocity.

And then there is the moment in which we each must "grow up." To turn our attention away from the form of the teacher, the guru, and within, toward our own connection to living, infinite truth. When Mr. Banks died, those of us who were his students, in one form or another, were given the tremendous opportunity to find the truth that he shared inside of ourselves.

How do we meet this challenge? Can we trust that, as Mr. Banks said, "the truth lies within?" Can our lives be a testament to this fact?

I think you know my answer ;) ...

Tune in on Friday and join the discussion at www.cscmediacenter.org. Or listen to the archive at a later date. Your comments most welcome!

With Great Love,

Yours Mystical Mama

Note: the photo was taken on the evening of Syd's memorial service in Victoria, BC.

The End of Your Story

2011-08-22T11:53:00.000-07:00

And so, this drama, like all good dramas, has had its rising tensions, its abject miseries and hair-raising terrors, all of it building again and again into great, emotional crescendos!

There has been enormous pleasure ... subsiding into disappointment

Terrible pain resolving into peace

All of it so that a truly happy ending, now, might engender a divine Release

If you have suffered and are done
If you are exhausted
If you have lost, if you have won
If your pleasures have all run dry and if your pain has gone on
And on ...

Now is the time for the End of Your Story

Now is the time for your Happy Ending!

Now you know what does not work, and perhaps you have surrendered by degrees ...

Let it all go, my beautiful Friend!

What a Wild and Loving God birthed this Infinite Realm of Infinite Experience

In which we taste, touch, feel all forms of exquisite and banal suffering,

Until we discover a Light

This One

That has illuminated it all, always and

Which, as well,

Is World Without End

"Graceful Parenting" ... An Oxymoron?

2011-08-01T16:02:00.000-07:00

Although not everyone is a fan of this blog's overall title: Mystical Mama, I find it suits me so well, and more and more so. I've thought of changing the name, but nothing brilliant, as an alternative, has occurred to me yet.

Mystical means "having a spiritual meaning or reality" (that's one definition) and Mama, well, a Mama is me. I am a Mama! My life is about kids, kids, kids: feeding them, dressing them, dropping them off, picking them up, arranging for childcare, cooking, cleaning, tidying, tidying, tidying, nagging, berating, playing and loving!

My husband and I have your average, garden variety, long-term (20+ years) relationship. We can be madly in love and ready to divorce, all in the same day. My mother lives with us, too, at this time. There is coming and going, laughter and arguing, irritation and gratitude, often futile attempts to "balance" it all.

It's a "normal" life and yet, the deep mysticism of it is also always there--a deepening of understanding ... understanding the true nature of life, dropping more and more of what's unnecessary in Thought, dropping the choking, restrictive garments of "me" and "mine." Finding, instead Silence, Stillness, Love ... and a great unfolding of Life in ways and avenues un-planned, unexpected, delightful.

Life! The greatest, mystical Mystery of all! (How is that we can barely see It sometimes, so preoccupied are we with our own "successes.")

Thought patterns from the past still sometimes intrude on my "parenting" and I am graced with the ability to see that I have been unfair, unkind, have lacked understanding. Oh, children! Your sweet, innocent souls must put up with so much from us, your crazy parents, with our limited understandings, worries, fears and concerns. And look what we have done with your lovely planet!

For the sake of children, let us begin to know Ourselves beyond the limiting thoughts and beliefs that have plagued every generation up until now. It has been for children that I have stayed the course with my non-profit for more than five years--through thick and thin, death and disaster--for children that I have worked so very hard, and for my own children that I have stopped working altogether from time to time.

Please join me, dear Readers, in the now global movement (with many names, really) to bring peace, clarity and loving intelligence to parents, so that parents can recognize all these in their children, Now.

This Friday, August 5, is my first radio show through the CSC on "Graceful Parenting." Tune in through the Internet at 10 am Pacific time, and call in! Go to this site to listen live, or find the archive a few days later: www.cscmediacenter.org.

Can we take responsibility now for everything? Especially within our absurdly priviliged lives in the West, lives in which food, water, shelter and survival are distant concerns ... Can we end the madness of me, more and mine, mine, mine? (And remember, I am talking about grown-ups, here, in whom such attitudes have real and tremendous impacts.)

Yes, my friends, yes we can. Perhaps the better question is: Will we?

Every day, more children are born and this "gentle rain of children*" serves to remind us of some innocence, some clarity and purity that resides within us all still ... Can we "grow up" along with our children, now?

Join me!

With Love,

Your Mystical Mama

*from Spiritual Parenting: A Guide to Understanding and Nurturing the Heart of Your Child, Hugh and Gayle Prather

Just Stop!

2011-07-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

The truth of who you are is utterly simple. It is closer than your thoughts, closer than your heartbeat, closer than your breath.

If you believe your thoughts to be real, if you follow your thoughts as the basis of reality, you will continually overlook what is closer, what has been calling you throughout time, saying,

"You are here! You are home!"

...

This is a time of the ordinary awakening. This means you.

--From The Diamond in Your Pocket, Gangaji

Thought is not reality, yet it is through Thought that our realities are created.

--From The Missing Link, Sydney Banks

Can there be simple awareness of what's going on, without making something of it? ... All seeing matters. Not just seeing feelings, but seeing their total interconnectedness with thought.

... It happens, when there is pure seeing, there is wisdom.

--From The Light of Discovery, Toni Packer

Mirror in the Sky, What is Love?

2011-07-06T14:11:00.000-07:00

We drove to Yosemite, strained, bickering--husband and I--and over the dry, surreal 152, a thousand thoughts, like all these dry, twisted, lonely Oaks, dotting the hillside, running, running, running alongside the car.

In Yosemite, we found silent majesty, amazing grace, happy children, cool waters ... it was Almost Independence Day (thank you, Van Morrison.)

Silence.

The mystery of endless stars.

During the ride home, once again, strain and tension. Now husband is in a hurry, I am not--who is deciding directions? Who trusts who to get us home? Who is overly worried? Who is being most obnoxious?

Then, Explosion! ... (from husband)

Explosion! ... (from wife, that's me)

Mind whirls into how to fix this, what we should talk about, what is the underlying issue here, guilt & remorse, whose fault and why?

Then, there was the invitation to Stop! ... Husband not talking to me anyway. Guilt, remorse, second thoughts, disastrous future-thinking ...

Who cares???

Just stop!

And we are back over the 152, and the gnarled, money-green oaks look so much more beautiful than before. It is hot. It is Independence Day. We have been to Heaven and back. We have been to Hell and back.

And it is all O.K.

And the radio played: I took my love and I took it down. I climbed a mountain and turned around ...

Understanding Thought

2011-06-21T09:38:00.000-07:00

and Finding Emotional Health and Immunity from Stress

Dear Friends: I wrote this for an on-line newsletter at the request of an organization that asked me to give a talk on "immunity from stress." I thought it might be helpful to re-post it here. I find this kind of strict, self-help-y writing a bit dry, actually. But I think, and hope, the content might be useful for you and yours.

“Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” --William Shakespeare.

For decades, researchers have shown that “stress” impacts physical health. To date, doctors, therapists, and the media have generally defined stress as a traumatic experience: a divorce, or breakup, the death of someone close, a health or financial crisis or other “major” life event most would interpret as negative.

In my work of two decades, however, learning and then teaching people in a range of settings (from young people in juvenile hall and adult inmates to teachers and organizational executives) the role that Thought—as a creative, causal principle—has in creating emotional reality, my conclusion is much different. Life circumstances have impact, of course, but it is the way we think about such circumstances that creates “stress,” or even well-being, in the face of life’s events.

One young woman I know, who was a student of the “3 Principles” I teach, and then became a teacher herself, has lived with advanced multiple sclerosis for several years. She has difficulty walking and climbing stairs, and must be helped eating, because of her tremors. At a retreat she attended with us at Mount Madonna Center, she described her condition as “a gift” that had opened her to new worlds of learning. “I am one of the luckiest people in the world,” she said.

Dr. Peter Ubel, a University of Michigan researcher and author of “You’re Stronger Than You Think,” found that people who had gone through “stressful events” in their lives, had lost both their legs, or undergone complete colonostopies, for example, were actually just as happy as their healthy counterparts with more “normal” lives.

Studies by Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel-prize winning psychologist, showed that what society thinks of as “positive” circumstances, such as wealth and its perceived freedom, or power, has almost no effect on happiness and well-being, after people escape from poverty.

How people think, and what they think: how much gratitude they feel (no matter what their lives look like) and how much they engage in thoughts and feelings of love and generosity are the causal factors for emotional resiliency and well-being.

I experienced a miscarriage during my first pregnancy, after I got married. I was sad for some time, of course. But by understanding the role Thought played in my life, I had no inclination to “carry thinking” about the miscarriage into my future, or to interpret the event as especially negative.

Seeing Thought is a wonderful opportunity for all of us to gain emotional health and immunity from stress, because the truth is that we are not our thoughts. The truth is also that life will continuously throw apparent “problems” our way—death, illness, wayward children, conflict, difficult family members.

We do not even need to resolve our problems to become happy and emotionally strong. Rather, our very perceptions of such “problems” constitutes the mental “soup,” or consciousness, we live in. When we perceive problems as difficult and un-resolvable, for instance, our thoughts create feelings of hopelessness and despair—mental “stress” that ignites a chemical cascade throughout our bodies, and ultimately (and of course!) impacts physical health.

When we create a more objective relationship to Thought, as the great spiritual teachings of the world have taught, we see that peace of mind and well-being exist within us already, at our core, regardless of what we are going through. Indeed, peace of mind helps us navigate life’s obstacles with wisdom, grace and clarity. Or rather, finding peace of mind allows us to appreciate Life, the flow and dance of Life, no matter what we are going through.

With Love,
Your Mystical Mama

P.S. An important note: although our thinking impacts our physicality (of course!), do not let this fact be an added judgment on yourself. We are all human and suffer through many unhappy thoughts and physical states. It is so lovely to get off our own cases! Do you know what I mean? ... Of course you do!

The Final Word

2011-05-29T09:23:00.000-07:00

Let us cease
this endless talk
of enlightenment!

It is giving me
a small headache.

Let us pour a lovely cup of tea
instead
and talk about your garden
my Friend
and how it grows!

We will set a place
for God
and maybe,
if we discover enough love and laughter
He will
show up

(unless He
is busy
with more critical
cases
of true woe.)

Pome from Silence

2011-05-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

I watched the cloud

Dissolve

as a

Thing ...

Into

No Thing

the Free Sky!

Just like Truth

here

and then gone ...

The Absolute

a moving target

always, always, always

dissolving into

Sky.

What a gorgeous entertainment!

Holy is a Moving Target

2011-05-29T09:08:00.000-07:00

Silence is not holy
but it can be
Meditation is not holy
but it can be
Yoga is not holy
but it can be
Taking drugs is not holy
but it can be
Football is not holy
but it can be
Golf is not holy
but it can be
Fishing is not holy
but it can be
Laundry is not holy
but it can be
Astrology is not holy
but it can be
Dancing is not holy
but it can be
Chanting is not holy
but it can be
Sex is not holy
but it can be
Religion is not holy
but it can be

And Everything is Holy!
except when it is not.

Holy is the color of your lucid eyes, my Friend.

And so, I have come
To worship at Your feet.

Anoint me with your Divine and Radiant Vision!

The Sages

2011-05-29T09:02:00.000-07:00

The sages
have exhausted
all their metaphors!

Sky, cloud, ocean, wave
Window, wind, desert, plank
Onion, rain, mountain, mustard seed
Music, tree, rose, lily
Lotus, sprout, field (fertile and not)
infant, elder, adolescent
Father, son, ghost
Me, You, Us
Copulation, orgasm, Lover!

We will need to find
a new planet
to keep on talking
of Love!

I fear the sages
must be weary by now

Perhaps it is time to take them seriously,
Take matters into our own hands, my Friend
And find Reality for ourselves

Trust me when I tell you:
You have everything you need
for this noble journey

Yes!

So we can end
all this talking!

Don't Think About Me!

2011-05-29T08:54:00.000-07:00

Don't think about me, my Friend!

Then you will only
come to know
your own thoughts

Those dry and brittle bones
picked over by crows
you found somewhere
and kept too long

They make the inside of your head
Too noisy!

Don't think about me,
My Friend.

Come down, instead
to this dancing river
where eternally
I sit.

Join me on this speckled rock
webbed with moss
graced with a
warming sunlight

We will talk,
and listen ...
And when our talking slows
and dissolves into
Listening
And when our listening slows
and disappears into
This Space ...

You will know me!
And I will know you!

Beneath, behind, beyond
the many forms
our Truth takes,
We will discover
True Love

And the world will improve
All by itself.

These pomes were written at the edge of Fallen Leaf Lake, in retreat with Gangaji and many beautiful others. Endless Gratitude to All.

Not By Bread Alone ...

2011-05-06T11:22:00.000-07:00

The analogy of money to bread, the stuff of life, the stuff we need (!!!) goes back for millennia. What if we took the analogy a bit further, as truly, we are not quite as crazy over bread as we are over money. (Especially if we are gluten-sensitive.) I have recently found this literal analogy to be helpful, and here are my thoughts and suggestions:

Treat money as you would treat a loaf of bread in your bread drawer ... It is matter of fact, it is neutral. It is nothing to get particularly excited about. It provides a certain amount of sustenance and nourishment.

If your neighbor or someone you met needed a slice of bread, you would give him one. You might even give him more than one. After all, it's only bread. There is plenty of bread in this world!

If you ran out of bread, you would probably not freak out. You would think, well, I'll get my fiber elsewhere for a while, until I get some more bread. I'll run into some bread somewhere. ... Ah, here we go, a nice bag of almonds!

You notice that the world offers many forms of love and support, not just bread.

If you met someone who had piled loads and loads of bread into storage in their house, you'd think: That's a bit weird. Other people could use that bread. Kind of a waste, really.

What if they put a list of people on magazine covers: The Top Ten Bread Hoarders of the World!

What if everyone thought that having more bread made them happier, more powerful, more secure and even sexier?

Of course, you can only eat so much bread in one day, and then storing the bread so that it would not be subject to mold, mildew and other forms of degradation, locking it up so that it would not be stolen, would become complicated. Perhaps even stressful.

Whole industries would arise around protecting and storing bread. People might become desperate in their desires to gather and safeguard bread--they might abandon everything, their families, their pets, their ethics, their peace of mind. They might suck up to nasty bosses who give them bread, they might trample the earth to create giant bread factories.

You get the point.

One of the most beautiful messages in the Bible is this: "Take no thought! ... Not for what you shall wear, nor how you shall be clothed. For your Heavenly Father [Life!] knoweth you have need of these things, and it His good pleasure to give you the Kingdom."

Life is here to support You, Friend!

Money is simply a tool of exchange. Fear of money, or granting great, unwarranted powers to money has made us slaves to that which is external to us. Rather than find that which truly makes us happy--that which abides within--as a society, we run furiously on the futile treadmill of More and Not Enough.

Money. A safety pin. A garden hose. A loaf of bread.

Shakespeare said "Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so." And in truth, nothing means anything, unless thinking makes it so.

Money, or, more properly, our thinking about money, is driving this poor world into the ground. And the only way to release the world from the mad grip of money, is to loosen its grip on us--so that we can show the world, by our own example:

It's not about the money!

God's Breath Has Come ... Have You Lost All Your Leaves?

2011-03-14T17:30:00.000-07:00

About a week ago, I felt the first breath of spring on my cheek, on my being. It was physical--the humid warmth, the raw smell of green growth. It was mental--a new focus, and simultaneous expansion of the mind. It was spiritual--a settling into great peace and contentment, along with the stirrings of excitement for new ventures.

Let me tell you, this "winter" was hard! (One must put winter in quotes in California to appease all our Northern friends.) Winters in California are easier, of course (or, perhaps) than winters in North Dakota and similar environs. However, the trees lose their leaves, the rains and cold come ... It is still very much a season of interiors. I become tired of my home, tired with myself and many issues arise, patterns of thought that still have not lost their grip on me.

I told my Step Mother/Second Mother (who also suffered a hard winter, she said) that my saving grace this winter was a passage from a book by Adyashanti that spoke of trees, which lose their leaves, in winter.

Before the leaves come down, great winter winds shake and blow--a powerful cleansing of the Earth. Spiritually, winter, if one allows it fully, can be that cleanse for us, for "human" nature. As when one runs about with a broom and duster in the house, sometimes dust must be kicked up before it can be swept out.

I saw all of these attachments that still cling--leaves shaking, dust swirling--ways I continued to define myself by that which is external to Me. Nothing really to do with these thoughts and feelings, but be the tree--allowing it all, secure in its rootedness to that which is greater and stronger ... In fact, existence itself!

Can one be naked, a winter tree? Can one be nobody and nothing at all? Winter comes to test our defenses, asking that we drop them all ...

And now, the breath of spring has come, God's breath.

Have you lost all your leaves?

Being Spiritual Without Being Spiritual

2011-02-23T16:53:00.000-08:00

My new and lovely friend Maureen, from Canada, recently read this blog and she wrote, in response:

Sadly, my own mother passed away last week ... So I've been thinking about motherhood and how my own mother addressed some huge dramas, and hardships, and losses during her life, and dedicated herself to her five (!) children. She had no interest in religion or spirituality and I honestly cannot remember a single "spiritual" thing ever coming out of her mouth ... and yet she was an amazing role model of non-judgment, caring and compassion.

Her true stature as a person is becoming clearer and clearer as time goes on. I wonder if she had had access to the kinds of teachings that we do now, whether she would have embraced a spiritual path. I suspect her rejection of religion was because it didn't sit right with her, and no alternative ever entered her world. She also didn't have the luxury of "seeking," as she was so caught up in survival issues right up until she developed Alzheimer's about eight years ago ...

Dear Maureen,

I don't think much more needs to be said about your Mother. I think your writing about her tells the truth about what it really means to be spiritual. Often, when there is much discussion about spirituality, or immersion in religion, the true meaning of "being spiritual" can become very lost. I have seen this happen many, many times (frankly, it is a massive epidemic in this world); and I have seen this happen in me! Kindness, gentleness, compassion, selflessness, generosity--rather than being "goals," when they are lived because they simply make sense to a person, that seems to me to be spirituality. What a teacher and role model your mother is for us all!

Perhaps she would have found a true path for herself in the kinds of formless spirituality that seem more prevalent in the world today--but perhaps she didn't need to.

Actions do indeed speak louder than words.

Reemerging Sunshine of the Accepting Mind

2011-01-28T13:37:00.000-08:00

I recently posted my status on Facebook as taking a "Me" day ... Just before that, my young daughter had been in the hospital on critical status with a chest infection, we had canceled vacation plans, I had just finished moving my non-profit out of the office, and earlier this year, my father had passed away. (The year before, his spiritual teacher and mine, Sydney Banks, passed, and the year before that, my grandmother, Nell.)

Medical bills and paperwork were piling up, and our already small house was filled with boxes from my old, "real" office. Although there was so much to do, I have come to learn that in most adult lives, having "a lot to do" is not a temporary state. There is never a time when all things get done, or are done ... when from a worldly perspective, one has indeed accomplished "enough."

I also understand (and more and more so) that, from a global perspective, my, let's say, "suburban" problems are all good problems to have. Alia's health was jeopardized, but we had nearly instant access to highly trained doctors, x-ray and ultrasound technology, medications of every type ... our own hospital room, even!

Furthermore, our little family is well-fed, housed, intact and we live in a country where--in most cases--one can say what one thinks. Freedom, calories, opportunities, computers, heat, running water. Only gratitude is truly in order, of course.

Nonetheless, anxiety does not come because one asks for it!

And I have learned that when stress or anxiety come knocking, when everything screams to be done, it is time to stop ... and not do a thing. Have you heard the play on the old adage:

Don't just do something. Sit there ...?

I have another one: If it feels urgent, it probably isn't.

I put everything on hold, packed my child's "Hello Kitty" backpack with a tangerine, banana, cashew bar and bottle of water. Plus a notebook.

And then I ran away from home.

I took the train to San Francisco with the sole intention of enjoying myself--and being by myself.

The train ride itself was soothing, although as we pulled out of the California Avenue station, a cold feeling crept over me that once (in my 20's) had been familiar--a feeling of dread, of coming depression. As in: What does it all mean? Nothing!

For days, my mind had been engaged in planning, packing (both the office and our suitcases for vacation), then adrenalin-filled caretaking, hovering ... watching hospital monitors fretfully at 2, 3, and 4 a.m. with daughter's pulse, oxygen and respiration levels too high, too low.

Worry, future thinking, time pressures ... these sorts of thoughts can all result in this "collapsed" feeling.

And I allowed my mind to allow this. Allow the dread, the depression.

By the time we rolled through Belmont, the feeling was gone.

The City itself shone and sparkled in all its grunge, its fine foods and crystalline forward-ness. Market Street welcomed me, indifferent--those out of scale skyscrapers--as if I were an ant to be expected, tolerated, maybe stepped upon, but not maliciously.

The SF Museum of Modern Art was spacious, airy, modern (go figure) ... The rooftop garden sunny and bright, a shelter to couples in love, a mother with her child, a lone young tourist from Britain.

I had moved into the Now, the space of the accepting mind and, how did I put that day? ... I caught up with myself. I became myself, again.

This is the brilliance of the Mind--that its default setting is harmony. When thoughts become quiet, the quiet itself can become very, very deep--its depths both mysterious, unfathomable, and safe.

I got many responses to my Facebook post from Moms and others who felt it was their time for a Me day too! Go for it! I wrote in reply. But it does not need to be on the train, or in the City. It can be the hike, the walk, the yoga class, the park bench in the sunshine.

In my view, the "form" of meditation is not the essence of meditation--true meditation is simply the quieting of thought, surrendering to the Allowing Mind--and actually, this can be done in any moment, anywhere.

Indeed, just yesterday, I was feeling overwhelmed again (Alia's birthday party!) and it was evening--where could I go? To a bar? No, no ...

So, after returning a coffee maker to my aunt's, I went home; and simply accepted both the feeling of overwhelm, and my immediate situation: cleaning up from the party, getting kids ready for school, ready for a busy Monday ... Then I sat down with my husband to watch a nature program on TV.

And peace came again.

What is so beautiful to me--the greatest lesson I have ever learned--is that quiet can be counted on. Perhaps not demanded, but the sun returns when mental storm clouds part ... Mental health and well-being return.

Any catalyst will do ... A cup of tea, a good stretch, an insight, or just resting in the allowing mind. If you know the 3 Principles and Sydney Banks' work, it all makes sense. Thought creates feeling.

"I don't want this" creates the feeling of dis-ease. "I don't know if I want this, but it's obviously happening," and there is curiosity, openness ..."I love this!" and one is filled with both Love and gratitude.

One does not have to change one's thoughts, but the mere resting, the allowing of Thought--without attaching, judging, trying to get rid of ... opens the space for the deeper harmony of the Divine Mind to enter--and the Divine Mind is always grateful, always in tune, always connected.

As the mom of two still-young children, I can testify to the fact that a parents' thought flow, or resting mind, is often interrupted by the needs of children ... And if we cannot become present with our children in the moment, I believe it behooves us as parents to create the space (or simply INTEND the space) for us to find our replenishment in solitude, then. We come back to our families and children with inspiration, with good feelings and as role models for well-being.

As Gangaji has said, "Take a moment to recognize the peace that is already alive within you."

So, yes, Moms, Dads and Non-Breeders ... take a Me day! And if you cannot take a Me Day, take a Me moment. It may be that nothing "special" need happen at all ... for something very special indeed to emerge, from within.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

2010-12-20T14:30:00.000-08:00

M.M. Note: Adapted from the CSC's Holiday e-newsletter.

How are you doing with your holidays, my friend? ... My own tendency is to get excited early on, and then as the calendar starts counting down toward Christmas Day, I start to feel a bit stressed out!

With two young children in our family, hopes run high. And this year, my father, Roger Mills (co-founder of our non-profit) will not be with us--he'll be singing carols with the angels. He was a huge Christmas fan, a bedrock of our traditions. It won't be the same, for sure.

Then there are money concerns, holiday "Thank You's" to be paid out to teachers, housekeepers, the postman ... How much? ... Send Holiday cards or not? Use wrapping or newspaper? And, let's see, Christmas Eve dinner planning, shopping, special events for the children ... If you are Jewish, Muslim--or otherwise inclined--perhaps you are feeling quite relieved by now!

I recall a very old recording of a Sydney Banks talk, on which Syd described the feelings of contentment and gratitude that are a marker for deeper wisdom to come, for mental health and understanding. He used the analogy of Christmas. "You know that feeling that just hits you when you're walking down the street? Like, Geez, it's Christmas!"

Our holiday gift to you, no matter what holiday you celebrate (or don't), is the simple reminder that holiday spirit is a feeling that comes from within. Already, our family has failed on a number of "external" holiday "agenda items": We have given up on having beautiful and elaborate lights like our neighbors, our Christmas tree is not color coordinated, nor well lit, and has large, empty green patches. Holiday cards have not yet gone out, my husband may be working Christmas Eve, and we have not found a soup kitchen or other wonderful cause to participate in to teach our children important lessons in charity and giving.

Nonetheless, as I give up on these items, one by one, I see that my children are still thrilled with the holiday. They love singing the songs. They love Santa---the whole idea of Christmas. And when I am simply present with what is, the holidays are very pleasant, and spirited, indeed. A few nights ago, carols on the car radio inspired us to drive around our neighborhood admiring the holiday lights, with the children singing at the top of their lungs.

And as John Lennon sung: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

The best gift is the gift we each already have within us--the capacity to enter into a deeper feeling about life at any time: the richness, the guidance, the love, the "holiness" that comes from nowhere else, but from within ourselves. The present of Presence.

Here's hoping that no matter what you celebrate, or don't, you enjoy the quiet moments between "doings," and even during "doings" that are nourishment for our souls, our families, our lives.

No Curriculum for Truth

2010-12-11T09:26:00.000-08:00

Thank you for your posting on your blog. Now [because you did not seem to really answer my question] in your words, if I were a 5-year-old, how would you describe "specifically" the 3 p's to me? Example: "Well lil'guy first of all ... etc etc." and then ...

--Robert Walking Rabbit

[M.M. note: the "3 p's" refer to philosopher Mr. Sydney Banks' Three Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought. Please refer to Mr. Banks materials--books, audio files, videos--for more on these.]

Dear Robert,

I had a feeling you would ask this again! I did manage to skirt the issue, did I not?

Mr. Banks used to say, "There is no curriculum" for the 3 Principles--in schools, in communities, or elsewhere.

What this means is that there is no curriculum for Love. I recently posted the following quote on Facebook:

"You have identified yourself with secondhand information. Don't live with secondhand information. Don't live with beliefs. You have the capacity to explore and really find out what actually IS." (--from Jean Klein's dialogues in "Transmission of the Flame")

What Mr. Banks (and Mr. Klein) were trying to say is that if I use a curriculum of "how to teach or share" principles of Truth with a child, or anyone else, then when I am in the moment of sharing--rather than coming from my heart and my own understanding, I am coming from memory, from "secondhand information."

And rather than look deeply into my own heart, which might mean taking a pause, taking a moment out of "doing" and going into reflection ... into inquiry for myself (into the unknown), I, rather, come up with something someone else wrote in a book, or outlined for me to say.

That is not a terrible sin, and there is nothing wrong with sharing information from books, I am just pointing to the fact that we then bypass our own capacity for understanding in favor of someone else's capacity for understanding.

Do you understand?

You wrote to me via e-mail that "I do not know," "I leave that to the professionals." But, why is that, Rob? ... I know that you are speaking to a Kindergarten teacher about all of this, but might not this be a question you could explore together, from a feeling of curiosity and respect?

Or, if you do not feel "ready" to talk with her about such things, again, an invitation to sit with oneself, to gently ask: Why not?

I know you know that each one of us "practitioners" started once where you are. And over time, we began to deeply trust ourselves, our own connection to wisdom.

The truth is that the Principles are alive in every children's story, in everything that happens in every single day (there is thought, there is action based on thought and there is the love, wisdom and compassion that bubbles up in each of us--and in so many stories.) There are as many ways to explain the Principles are there are human beings on the planet--and so much the better if each one of us expresses uniquely.

I know you were thinking you would not get an answer out of me, (and still you have not, eh?) but I encourage you to not leave it at that, not drop the question for yourself, Rob. Perhaps wisdom guides you not to work with this teacher directly yet, but that is not the end of the story.

That is actually the beginning.

With Love,

Your Mystical Mama

Teaching a Child with ADD/ADHD about the Mind

2010-11-09T07:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Mystical Mama,

I know you suggest that to live in your health, as a parent, is the best course.

[Note: in 3 Principles psychology, this means "mental health," as in: a quiet mind, receptivity to insight, grounded feeling states (when possible!), & love. --M.M.]

But, besides this, do you know of how to best describe the principles, say, to a 5-year-old? Or what to suggest to parents on how to explain the principles to a five-year-old diagnosed with ADD or ADHD? Can a five-year-old with extreme hyperactivity, impulsiveness, short attention span, etc. grasp or understand how their own mind works?

If so, how would one explain it to the child themselves? Do you explain in story form, parables to them ...or is it fine to just live in it yourself? How do you explain the principles to your own children? Just curious here.

--Robert "Walking Rabbit"

Dear Robert "Walking Rabbit"

and Dear Parents, everywhere! We cannot underestimate the importance of "putting our own oxygen masks on first." (See the two posts below.) Indeed, how will we teach our children about their minds, when we do not even know how to handle, or understand our own?

Are we not all a little ADD/ADHD from time to time? Can we investigate within ourselves, becoming gently curious, as to why? What occurs in Thought to create a sort of "running mind?" How is it that we can run to the store and spend all kinds of money on unnecessary items in a sort of frantic frenzy--what is that state of mind? Or, what creates the need to always be stimulated by some form of entertainment, be that people, TV, books, radio, Internet, and now, gotta-love-it Facebook?

And what happens when, rather than respond and react to this sort of running thinking, we simply allow this mental frenzy to be, understanding that our Health lies beneath this, our Health is the container for this ... ?

Children, it's been said many times, also respond mostly to how we are, much more so than to what we say. This is actually true for adults, too, is it not? We respond to each other's energy. Thus, our own calm-mindedness, our own grounding, guides us around our children, and helps them to calm down, too.

My dear friend and 3 Principles colleague, Gabriela, used to work closely with autistic children. She noticed that the children "behaved better" around those adults whose energy was present with them, who were Mind-full with them (and here I mean the "big Mind" as Mr. Banks defines it.) Finally, our own grounding and understanding speaks to our effectiveness with children if we do decide to share: How attached are we to their "changing" and "getting" what we are saying? How urgent do we become in trying to share our message? Is our trying to teach them really our way of trying to save or protect ourselves somehow? Are we overly invested in the whole thing?

Therefore, do put your own oxygen mask on first! As another wise colleague, Elsie Spittle, has written: "When we change the way we see things, the things we see seem to change." And the "problems" we see in our children look far less insurmountable. In my own case, with my own children (4 and 6), many problems have simply disappeared with the withdrawel of my worry and attention. I "kid" you not!

Finally, please note that I am not advocating walking around in a false kind of "calm," in which you are stirring and unhappy underneath, but showing a placid face. We are going for total self-honesty here. This must be first, above all: self-honesty, ruthless self-honesty. And being truly calm-minded does not mean that one's physical actions are slow and evenly paced, somehow. It simply means that all action comes from the place of wisdom, within.

OK, now, I will actually answer your question Robert. (Geez! I know!) ... What are these many diagnoses for our children--and ourselves--that we face today? I am by no means the expert, but are they not all made up names to describe some condition we believe is somehow the same across individuals? As we have created the words "tree," "faucet," "lawnmower," so have we created "ADD," "manic-depressive," "bi-polar," "anxiety disorder." It is also true that when we rely on the word to convey meaning, we lose touch with the reality of our own, or our child's situation now. We stop exploring for ourselves, we stop observing. Let the experts handle that, we say. What do I know?

Do I believe that children and people with ADD can learn about their own minds? Yes. Do I believe they have mental health and wisdom? Yes. We have a 14-year-old with an ADHD diagnoses in a school with us now who can sit for 45 minutes as we talk about the 3 Principles in his classroom. His teacher says this is phenomenal. How is it so? Because we don't care if he does or not, actually. Because we love him anyway.

Now, I am not arguing for or against medication. I have seen Wisdom point in both directions on this one. But I am suggesting that a "diagnosis" is merely the current and latest thinking of a society that, generally speaking, does not really understand itself at all.

Can a five-year-old learn how their own mind works? Yes. Can we teach them directly? Yes. Can we use a parable? Yes. Is it enough to just live the Truth ourselves? Yes.

I have done all of the above with my own older daughter, and I notice that if I am invested in her learning, or anxious about her learning, she tends to tune out. When our dialogue takes place within a context of love and real curiosity, she gets a lot of it, as do I. But truly, what has been most effective for me is moving into the space and spirit of Love, for myself, within myself. Love for Life, Love for myself, Love for her. So healing. Love is Mental Health.

One final story: I worked with a mother of three rambunctious and "diagnosed" young boys (two of them were.) She wound up with some of the Sydney Banks DVD's and played them on her television one day--just for herself really. She told me that as Syd talked, the boys started to slowly stop what they were doing and come around the television to listen.

And so it seems that the truth is the truth is the truth--for us all. And it can emerge in our families in many forms, "principles" or not. Going back to check our own feeling state, (do we move from Love or anxiety?) is the key. If we are not getting oxygen, we have no oxygen, really, to give to our children, or anyone else, no matter what words we use.

I appreciate and invite your further comments or questions.

With Love,

Your Mystical Mama

"Putting On My Own Oxygen Mask First"

2010-11-09T06:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends,

Here is the response from our worried Mother, "Helen." I feel her wisdom here can be helpful to us all ...

Dear Ami,

Thank you for "replacing my fog with sunshine." I am so grateful to be made aware that I am still learning something I thought I already knew. I know this is the truth. Common sense has returned ... I went back to the basics: quiet, still and present (took your advice that "if it feels urgent, it isn't"). It was a lesson to myself again to realize just how much one needs to slow down, to be able to be still, to have no attachment to the outcome (emphasis added), in order for one's common sense to flow up.

I do feel a sense of calm again. It is only in finding the calm now, that I realize how crowded my thoughts were. How quickly and easily we choose to "love fear" and "fear love" of oneself and others! This was one of the insights that came to me. Taking the time and space I needed for myself afforded me a way of finding my way back to my common sense: not taking things personally, and seeing that "it is what it is ... " Giving myself some distance from the situation gave me that Self-grounded feeling ... and that "knowing feeling" again. As a mother, sometimes I do "forget to put the oxygen mask on myself first, before I can help someone else!"

May peace be with you,

Helen

Question: What the &*%$! should I do?

2010-11-04T14:54:00.001-07:00

Dear Mystical Mama,

(Note: Identifying facts have been changed for this Mother. Letter edited slightly for clarity.)

I am 50 yrs. old, divorced, and I've lived in Texas for many years with my two children. My daughter is a senior in high school. Since starting Greg's course (Gregory Drambour of Sedona Sacred Journeys), I have read all Syd Banks books, and the three principles approach absolutely does resonate with me.

I am very aware now that neither my ex-husband nor myself have applied anywhere near the three principles approach whilst bringing up our children. My Daughter was diagnosed one year ago with ADD and secondary Anxiety/Depression, which I'm sure is due to the misdiagnosis and frustration she has endured for the last couple of years. She has a very high IQ, and is creative and musically talented, but has been quite misunderstood for about two years at school, by friends and family, causing disagreement, conflict and gross misunderstanding between my ex-husband and myself, which, ultimately has had negative effects on my daughter. This has been a very difficult time for all of us in trying to find common agreement without judgment toward any other person, or projecting our own experience and programming whilst doing the best we can in coping with a mentally ill, sick child.

We have reached an agreement on some of the treatment, and "Eleanor" is continuing to improve and cope. This has been a very exacerbated time of heightened and prolonged realizations of absolute separate realities.

My Question is: Could you suggest a specific approach using the three principles in helping the family unit as a whole deal with a diagnosis of ADD or other mental illness's with children/teenagers?

Dear "Helen,"

Thank you so much for your letter. There is actually no such thing as a “specific approach” from a 3 Principles understanding to the issues you bring up here. It seems there is a great deal of conflict and confusion about what to do with your daughter, and even about the “separate realities” you have noticed, and that you say have led to “prolonged realizations.” I am assuming a “prolonged realization” here is not a breakthrough (bringing relief and understanding), but rather just seeing that everyone is in a separate reality, with no movement forward, or toward peace of mind. Is this correct? On the other hand, there is improvement and coping on the part of your daughter.

If this is all correct, then what seems to be very clear is that there is still a lack of clarity. Regardless of the situation, it is insightful simply to notice the lack of clarity. When there is lack of clarity, often there is urgency, and as I said on the Teleconference call with Greg, “If it feels urgent, it isn’t.” (Please note: this is barring actual physical emergencies!)

The reason I cannot recommend a specific course of action is because only your own Wisdom can do that. And right now, without clarity, Wisdom is not speaking loudly enough for anyone to hear. Actually, Wisdom is speaking, but the more fearful, ego-based and urgent thoughts are just “noisier” right now.

If one can start to become more present—not projecting into the future, not regretting, perhaps, parenting or relationship “mistakes” in the past—Thought starts to slow down, to quiet down. When the mind becomes quiet, insights emerge. The feeling of an insight (as opposed to worry, anxiety, projection, judgment) is quite distinctive—there is a calm and peace that accompanies an insight. No one is held “to blame,” not even oneself!

It seems to me that since you are the one who is inquiring (and are therefore receptive), becoming quiet, being patient, trusting your inner Wisdom to emerge at the right time is the best “three principles approach” I can recommend. Do you see how I would recommend this to anyone, in any situation?

When thoughts arise (and it seems that there are thoughts of regret about the past for you), can you see them as just thoughts—notice how they are not helpful in this moment, notice how we all punish ourselves through self-blame, although we are all quite human and subject to many flaws? Forgiveness for oneself can ignite forgiveness for others, including (believe it or not) ex-spouses! We have all done the best we can with the thinking we had at our disposal at any given time. We are all just trying to make it through life.

As parents, we are likely to engage in a great deal of worry and anxiety about our children, especially if they have a frightening "diagnoses." Can we see that this worry and anxiety is helping neither them nor ourselves? Can we allow ourselves the space and time—even while our loved one seems to be “suffering”—to calm down and experience our own mental health and peace of mind?

Truly, a parent’s ability to find their own peace of mind is the absolute best parenting “technique” on the planet. If you can discover your own peace of mind, Helen, this peace will spread with ripples throughout the family and this situation. Peace for you brings peace between you and your former husband, brings peace to your daughter. Answers spring from peace, and just as often, "problems" simply dissolve.

So, the answer, as always, lies inside of you.

Can you let go, and trust yourself fully?

Yours Truly,

Ami

Love!

2010-10-23T12:03:00.000-07:00

In mystical and/or spiritual traditions, there is often a distinction between "Universal" or impersonal Love and "human," or personal love. Personal love is sometimes portrayed as a selfish, more narrow form of love, perhaps not love at all!

In truth, all pure feelings of Love are different flavors of the one True Love, the Love that you are made of, and that you always have to give ... When I love my children, my husband, my mothers (I have 2!), without expecting love in return, I am also opening my heart to love for others--for the kids, parents and teachers I work with, for clients, for the Barista who is taking her own sweet time, for my many, "differently opinionated" colleagues, for life and the world itself ...

And how about Yourself, my dear Friend, is there Love there for you, for this incredible energy that you are? Life ... and its unique manifestation as your beautiful eyes, fingers, and toes? Your beautiful Mind and humor? Your many gestures of kindness, accumulated into the thousands by now?

What a privilege to emerge as a part of this Life! Where will the flow of it carry you next? Can you trust the Wisdom of Love? Do you understand that it cannot fail? Do you know that Love whispers to you, from within your heart, every moment of every day, whispering, "Choose Me! Choose Me this time. I know exactly what to do here!"

Perhaps honesty and courage are required as a part of Love. In the end, none of this will hurt.

So, yes to Love! Love, love, love!

It's all good.

On Mental Health & Healing

2010-07-19T17:40:00.000-07:00

Over the last 40 years, some of the most resistance to Mr. Sydney Banks' 3 Principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought has come--and most vociferously, at times with hostility--from the mental health community itself.

I have experienced this hostility first-hand as a guest teacher in graduate psychology programs--and my father experienced it throughout his career. It is a wonder to me, because, as I look around, even casually, it seems obvious that the field, as a whole, does not have any kind of handle on mental health. Not even a definition for it!

People seem to suffer from more and more mental ailments, rather. The DSM grows and grows. Here in our well-heeled home base of Palo Alto, even people with tremendous resources and access to mental health services have committed suicide on the train tracks, several over the last year. (One woman jumped from a freeway overpass.) People here live with intense amounts of stress and pressure. Suffering "patients," or consumers, worldwide merely cope with and manage their mental illnesses.

I do not mean to disparage the very well-intentioned and innocent mental health professionals who try their best to help people ... Many of whom do help people through their basic caring and instinctive capacities for healing. It is simply a wonder to me, as I've said, that the mental health field, as a whole, would claim to know much, if anything, about mental health.

Mr. Banks did. A ninth-grade educated welder, his life-changing insight and awakening in the 1970's showed the world that mental health is not complicated. It does not come through "analysis," categorization, or re-living the past. It does not come from attaching more firmly to even positive concepts about who we think we are.

Mental health is simply being present, accessing the divine energy, Love, and creativity that is always with us.

Mr. Banks, of course, is not the only mystic or spiritual author who could define mental health. Yet his selfless dedication for more than four decades to working with those in the field--introducing neutral and universal "Principles" that can be understood in any setting--has led to development of practitioners throughout the United States, and globally, who both define mental health, and help people to find it, within. In my mind, Maslow's plea for a new "psychology of Being" has come to fruition.

"When clarity and purity of thought are present, the answer you seek will present itself, for what you seek is with you and has been with you always." --Sydney Banks, "The Missing Link."

Mental health is a quiet mind. Our birthright. Our access to a great, Divine, endless wellspring of insight, of spiritual knowledge, of connection to Life. It has nothing to do with the workings of our personal thought system. I suffered from depression in my 20's and my later research as an investigative journalist into medications and brain chemistry led me to the firm conviction that we had not found the panacea in Prozac. Indeed, my healing came from my own spiritual insights, insights into the role of Thought and feelings, and, finally, letting go of insecure thinking.

As the world seems to come crashing down around us: murders, wars, child abuse, drug abuse, family violence, perversions, ecological degradation, greed and materialism, and just plain old stress and insecurity--how can we say that we, as the human race, know anything about mental health?

It would be refreshing indeed if professionals in this field would summon the simple humility to say: maybe we don't know.

When we open up to the Unknown, the answers come rushing in. Suddenly, there is room.

Let's remember that once, we were convinced that the world was flat.

This is my deep, deep prayer for the world--that we open up to the Unknown, that true mental health, peace of mind, peace of spirit is unleashed within billions ...

What a wonderful world this would be!

With Love,

Your Mystical Mama

Slowing Down to the Speed of Life

2010-07-10T09:34:00.000-07:00

Acknowledgment for the splendid Blog Title goes to Richard Carlson & Joe Bailey, who co-wrote a Principles-based book of the same title (and therefore came up with it first.)

Thought for the summer: "If we all slowed down by half, the world would improve by 200 percent ... "

At the very least!

Think of it! Do we want more money and stuff, or do we want peace of mind? Does the money and stuff sometimes substitute for peace of mind (quite inadequately, I would suggest)? To quote someone very wise and profound whose name currently escapes me: "The truly wealthy (hu)man is the one who is happy with what (s)he has."

Please see the following: "Possum Living" and "Why Work?" ... a book and news article that surfaced in my life most recently.

Might global warming be stopped simply by stopping?

Might more innate and universal wisdom surface if we allowed for more space in our minds?

Might we learn the value of every Thing ... & begin to care less about the cost?

I am on this bandwagon!

with Love,

Your Mystical Mama

Some Observations on Grief

2010-05-19T17:00:00.000-07:00

Is there a “way” to grieve? Is our grieving influenced by what we think grieving should be? Are “stages” of grief true or even necessary?

I have been noticing the process of grief within myself since my father died, and actually, the sadness and feelings of loss started even before he died.

This process has not been what I expected, although I’m not sure I was actively expecting anything at all. I guess it’s not been what I expected given the way our society generally portrays grief.

A few days ago, a dear friend called to express condolences and we began a conversation about all of this. He suggested to me that my thoughts might be helpful to others who are dealing with grief. At first I thought, “Oh, it’s too early to put anything up about Dad’s death,” (he passed May 3) but then I realized that it didn’t feel wrong to me to do so … It felt wrong because of what “people might think.”

This ignited in me a sort of rebellious reaction to what I now see as societal thoughts and mores around grief. And so, I have decided to go ahead and post (!)

… My hope is that these reflections might help others who have perhaps come to find their grief unbearable and stifling.

Notes on Grief

Especially, somehow, over these last weeks, I have noticed the deep logic of Thought—of those Principles, Mind, Consciousness and Thought at work—as different flavors of “grief” wash over me.

I am discovering that, at least for me, to “grieve” … to experience the death of someone close, is much more varied than what I imagined. I am not experiencing “stages,” I am experiencing various thoughts, and the feelings that accompany them. My Stepmom, and Dad’s new widow, has been calling these “waves” or “surges.”

For example,

The thought: “I am so grateful to have had such a Father” brings with it its own set of feelings that are sometimes tearful, but also rich, and life affirming. I can well up with gratitude, and feel so very, very lucky.

The thought: “I will never do x, y or z with Dad again” brings the flood of “loss,” and even then, interesting to note, these thoughts are not actually related to the present moment, but to an imagined, or projected future, an imagined scene without Dad in it.

The thought: “I wish I had never done that/said that to him,” and the pain of regret slices through me.

The thoughts: “I am so glad I had a chance to do that/say that to him. To help him [in some way] … to be there for his dying,” bring the feelings of satisfaction, and gratitude again.

The thought: “He is gone now!” Bereavement. Something close to anguish.

The thought: “He will always be with me; he is in my soul, now, even in my very cells” and I feel Whole, I feel the sacred connectedness of life, of two souls who did love one another, and the eternal fruit of such love.

I went walking through the park, alone, late in the evening on the day of my father’s death. The clouds were closing up on lighter areas of the sky, in the west, where the sun had gone down. So there were silvers, grays, blacks, a background luminosity to the sky before the darkness of night. And I started to cry, thinking of Dad. I cried for some time, but it was not a crying I needed to stop, or even be comforted about. The crying was rooted in my love for Dad—I was crying over the beauty of the sky, the beauty of Relationship, the sacred passing of a Soul. It was sadness and joy all mixed together.

Later that night, I got a call from a dear, old friend. She was crying a “hard” kind of crying, it seemed. She told me she was angry about cancer. Several friends or people she knew had died from it. I shared with her that although I had been crying a lot that day, there was a safety in my crying, and that safety came from a kind of rootedness in Love. Like, yes, I could cry and mourn and be bereaved, but when I settled into the underlying current of Love there, I was safe within all of these emotions. I could allow them to come … and also, just as importantly, to go.

I must admit, there are times even now, with the death so recent, when I am not thinking of my father or his death at all!

When I go out in public, or get on the phone, people ask me:

“How are you?”

And they tell me,

“I’m so sorry … “

And these are, of course, common and appropriate comments from well wishers.

However, I can certainly say that there are times when I have been completely fine, good, even. Sometimes, I feel a great joy and freedom that seems related to the freedom of spirit I imagine for Dad now. There is also a new freedom in my life that is directly connected to his passing.

And when someone asks me, “How are you? … I am so sorry,” I remember that I am “supposed” to feel a certain way, as a member of this society (“death” is a bad thing) and so I try to look somber and tell the only truth I can in that moment without seeming to be disrespectful, or an unloving daughter: “Oh well, you know, I am up and down.” True enough.

There were so many aspects of my father’s death that were actually positive and uplifting. I shared this with another dear, old friend who called during my father’s dying, and she said, “Well, we can intellectualize it, or spiritualize it, but it is still difficult.”

I know my friend was simply trying to help me access my “real” feelings—to "let them out," as we say. And in many cases, this may be necessary. But truly, in that moment when she asked, the dying did not feel difficult. I want to honor that truth for me. Death and dying do not have to be difficult. They often are, but they don’t have to be.

Essentially, what I have discovered is that there is no one way to grieve. There are no rules. We get many ideas about death and grieving from society “out there.” The truest Truth for me, however, is always what I experience through direct observation: I have a thought, I have a feeling. I have sad moments, I have grateful moments, I have regretful moments, I have feelings of deep love and peace.

At times, I am overcome with an emotion, a feeling of flatness or sadness, without being able to identify any underlying thought. I accept this as just another current of feeling. I know Thought is there, perhaps subconscious, but I do not need to dig it up and find it. Eventually, this too shall pass.

For my Dad’s wife, in particular, I understand that there is “breaking up of a shared energy field” in the home, in the space (I got this phrase from the book, “The Light of Discovery” by Toni Packer, in her chapter on Grieving). That field must feel broken, a part of it gone, in the entire shared life, and that must feel like a giant vacuum at first. There are habits and activities that were always undertaken with “the Other.” There were perhaps future plans and dreams.

Unlike my Father’s death, which was, I suppose, “expected,” others die suddenly, younger, their deaths fly in the face of all reason, logic and expectation. Perhaps there has been a suicide. I can see how this kind of death would bring up all sorts of intense thoughts and reactions.

At the same time, I am sure that gentle, grateful, hopeful, connected thoughts are still available to survivors … in all cases. There is still the capacity to focus on what was learned and gained from the relationship, what still exists for us, how that person does indeed live forever within us. There is still the capacity to reach for and achieve forgiveness for oneself and for the One who has passed. It is never too late for love.

I read a quote in one book from a family member/survivor, who said, “They are in my DNA!”

Beneath all our thoughts of pain, of the future, of regret, guilt or loneliness, lies the deep, quiet, eternal Love for the Other … the true Relationship that cannot be lost. This Love has no capacity to hurt, it can only heal.

Can we give ourselves permission to go deeply into this Love and begin to understand that we have truly lost nothing?

The great beauty of my Father, Roger Clark Mills (now resting in peace), is that he shared with me the most valuable thing on this great planet earth—-peace of mind.

For the first two weeks after his death, I had a hard time “motivating,” getting anything done. I was tired, I was sad, depressed, whatever. Then, I had a moment in my backyard. The sun was out, the grass had just been cut. Bees were buzzing, and I finally took the time to just sit down in a lawn chair.

Looking out on the scene, my mind became still. It was then that I felt him ... Dad. This was the space he so cherished, and a space we often shared. This was his greatest gift to me, to know what is valuable and real in this mixed up world—-peace of mind.

Within peace of mind, we can feel grateful for anything. Within peace of mind, we come into what all Loved Ones truly want for us after their passing. And somehow, within peace of mind, we share in an energy that includes them still.

With Love,

Your Mystical Mama

Comments from the Family

2010-05-15T12:45:00.001-07:00

"The only thing that matters is this moment of happiness, right now."

--Barukh Bennaim

On the Death Bed II

2010-05-15T12:43:00.002-07:00

"Intimacy is just unconditional Love, seeing the innocence in the Other."

--Roger Clark Mills

On the Death Bed

2010-05-15T12:40:00.000-07:00

It seems to me, now
The ushering Out of a life
Is as Sacred as the ushering In.

The entire, unfathomable Universe
Of a personality
With its splendors, flaws, tics, traits

And Deep Intelligence …

The Great Complexity!
Ignited by the One Consciousness
Was Born and now Subsides

We witness,
in these sad & playful pajama party days
The Reality of Soul
And the Love that unites us, (always united us)
And brings us together now,
Huddled
as around a sputtering candle,

Witnesses to last light
Which fades
on this night

… If only from our view.

Help Wanted!

2010-03-10T06:10:00.000-08:00

I am sure this has been done before. Nonetheless, it was new to my mind …

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY

Special Personal Assistant (SPA)

Salary: None

Location: Your home, such as it is

(This position requires use of one’s own home, car and personal monies.)

Job Duties: As a special personal assistant (SPA), you will provide client with the following services, including, but in no way limited to:

Personal shopping (including all personal necessities such as, but not limited to: clothing, food, drink, recreational items, etc., plus unnecessary items) Expense account will be drawn from personal monies. Expense account will also cover gifts and other items for client's friends.

Housekeeping Client will be living in your home. For at least the first five years of employment, client will not significantly assist with any housekeeping. This is non-negotiable. Client will likely create disproportionate increased demand for housekeeping of all sorts: laundry, cooking, cleaning, sorting, disinfecting, and etc.

Personal caretaking, including, but not limited to: bathing, grooming, brushing teeth, trimming nails, cleaning ears (inside and behind), toileting (specifically, disposing, wiping, flushing, and proper hygienic follow up), dressing, undressing, lifting, carrying, transporting, etc.

Entertainment: SPA will be responsible for keeping client entertained to his or her personal satisfaction during “Job Hours” (see below.)

Emotional Support: SPA will be responsible for providing both emotional and moral support to client, including but not limited to 1) serving as a proper “role model”* 2) amending and ameliorating any emotional distress experienced by client during “Job Hours” (see below.) SPA will also be responsible for maintaining and organizing client's social life, and for assuring client has one.

Health care: SPA will be responsible for managing all aspects of client’s health care and health care services—including maintaining proper insurance coverage—during “Job Hours” (see below.) If client suffers any permanent injuries during SPA tenure, SPA will be held fully responsible.

Job Hours: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for duration of position (see below.)

Breaks: If SPA would like a break, SPA is solely responsible for arrangements to have job duties covered during the break period by a qualified professional. It is unwise to take frequent and/or extended breaks.

Sleep: Job duties continue during the period of time normally referred to as “sleep.” Expect sleep to be become highly truncated during the period, “Job Hours,” and for up to, but in no way limited to, 18 years.

Additional contractual items:

Seniority: After 13 (on average) years of employment, your client will not reward you with actual pay, increased benefits or any other form of employee recognition. Rather, your employer will potentially grow resentful and possibly hostile toward you while still depending heavily on your professional services, and drawing more heavily on “expense account.” (See above.)

Possible Occupational Hazards: Sleep deprivation, impacted personal relationships, increased stress, possible, numerous and unpredictable physical hazards, significant impacts on personal cash reserves and possible negative impacts on mental health status, especially during first years of position, but possibly also beyond that.

Duration of Position: Until client or personal assistant becomes deceased. Any attempts to leave this position before the 18th year of service will be considered a criminal act at worst, and a total, irreparable mistake at best. After the 18th year, SPA job duties may decline somewhat, however “the position” must continue to be maintained by you. There is no “sabbatical,” paid or unpaid leave, “exit strategy,” “escape clause,” “golden (or any other colored) parachute,” or “retirement” period for this position.

Benefits: There are no significant monetary benefits, and significant negative impacts on expense account/personal monies, for the period “Job Hours” up until roughly the 25th year of the position. After that time, it is highly likely that there will continue to be no monetary benefits, and possibly significant continued and compounded expenses, for the duration of the position. (See “Duration of Position” above.)

Non-monetary Benefits can include the following, and are in no way limited to: increased wisdom, increased intuitive capacity, increased capacity for compassion and love, increased humor, increased sense of being “present.” Great joy. Deepening of one’s overall “human-hood.” Confrontation/illumination of one’s inner weaknesses and demons. Possible accelerated spiritual development. Someone to Love.

Qualifications: Remarkably—and perhaps unfortunately—there are no qualifications for this highly demanding position. Seemingly unqualified applicants often “grow” into the position and eventually excel at job duties. We strongly advise those who do not feel even remotely qualified for this position, not to apply.

Note: the application process if often highly pleasurable.

Note to potential applicants: Contrary to the seemingly insurmountable challenges of the SPA position, there is extremely high demand for this position. Applicants who do not receive the position have been known to fall into emotional despair. Some individuals invest significant monetary and other resources toward landing the position. At the same time, persons who did not even truly mean to apply for the position can land the position, seemingly by accident or mistake.

Once the position is offered, there is no way to decline the position, although one can abandon position duties. Generally speaking, THIS IS CONSIDERED A CRIMINAL ACT AND IS FULLY PUNISHABLE BY LAW. (Please refer to the laws of your own country and/or state.) Important Exception: Legal means do exist for those who feel quite unqualified for the position, or who have landed the position by utter mistake or by force. In these cases, arrangements can be made to transfer client to a qualified applicant.

A note to those who have landed the position: Congratulations, and keep up the good work!

This position is offered by: God, Life, the Universe. God, Life, the Universe is an equal opportunity employer and does not discriminate based on gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, race, moral/ethical status, or any other consideration, whatsoever. Significant questions regarding this position may be directed to: Oneself.

*There is no specific handbook or manual provided for this duty.

Mouths of Babes, Part II

2010-02-26T09:13:00.000-08:00

"Let's sit down and have a talk."

--3 & 1/2 year old Tori to sister Alia, 6

(after being told they must resolve their own dispute)

Innocence & Forgiveness

2009-12-30T08:43:00.000-08:00

We celebrate several sets of holidays around here ... the traditional American & Christian-based holidays, Jewish holidays and Chinese holidays. Every day is practically a holiday!

At Christmas-time, I talk to the children about Jesus and what I see as his essential message of Love & forgiveness. Alia (age 5) heard my little song and dance about Jesus over a light breakfast this year, and then said: "That's a good story."

There is a beautiful passage in A Course in Miracles that re-interprets the message of the crucifixion. Rather than being about the death of a son in "sacrifice" (how similar to ancient traditions of sacrificing animals, humans, etc. to God or various Gods) .... the message is rather about how one who, faced with the ultimate undeserved attack upon his body, his person, his name ... taught the message of forgiveness in the final moments before his, at least bodily, death.

How is it then, that we, when faced with slights and injuries of much less significant proportions, can so easily become enraged and vengeful? Toni Packer, in the somewhat obscure but revealing little book The Light of Discovery, describes many of our daily encounters as: "you say something that hurts the image I have of myself, and I say something back that hurts your image of yourself ..." (and she notes, "if that is all that is going on, nothing is learned.")

As a suburban Mom, I like to look at these grander themes through the lens of daily life. What does forgiveness mean with children, spouses, partners? Teachers? Relatives? Drivers on our commutes ... and other possibly troublesome folks?

How can we see the innocence in one another, "turn the other cheek" as it were? I am certainly no expert and could easily list a few people I have not quite, fully, er, forgiven. At the top of the list, probably, would be Me.

On Christmas Day, I happened to have scored with a nice gift for my husband, a set of very tall liquor glasses on thin stems--each a different shape and brilliant color. I had hoped ... and he actually liked them more than I expected he would. And then there was the moment when, in all of her excitement, our Alia reached quickly across the dining table to grab one of her presents and broke a glass--beyond repair.

My husband got angry. Why? He liked the present, actually, had already become somewhat attached. He interpreted Alia's actions as being linked to a kind of hyper-ness she sometimes gets into (a possible long term problem? ... worry, concern, are we parenting all wrong?) and spoke in stern tones to her about "moving too fast," and now look what happened, etc.

Alia burst into tears after a second or two of silent processing, and then went running to her room to ball herself up in blankets and be upset for a good while. Now it was my turn: I could get upset at my husband for over-reacting, for possibly marring our young child's Christmas Day, etc. etc. I had worked so hard to make a nice day for us all, and I saw the breaking of the glass as no big deal.

But by the Grace of God I saw instead my husband's innocence. I understood the reasons--rational or not--why he got upset (as listed above); and most importantly, I saw the seeds of all his reasons in myself. My heart went out to him (along with my daughter). I get attached to things too, I judge our daughter too, I worry about her future, too. How could I throw the first stone?

So, I let it rest. I helped Alia come back to our really quite lovely Day. My husband settled down and apologized to her. And I was relieved that I had not added more judgment and pain to the judgment and pain that had already occurred.

I say "by the Grace of God" because I am honestly not always so good at forgiveness.

I also realize that other sorts of slights are perhaps harder to forgive. Victims of physical attacks, of war and other sorts of violence ...

I am clear, however, that if we cannot learn to overcome these small, seemingly mundane incidents, the larger ones will go on and on in their endless and furious cycles.

The mysterious doors between life and death are opening around me now (in my circle of friends, in my family) ... Like the holidays, it's a time for reflection on what's important. And if Jesus was right, those things are Love & forgiveness. I think, in the end, they are really One.

As we are really One. Without Love & forgiveness our Oneness cannot be known and felt.

And our Oneness is ultimately that which is Eternal.

Do you have a story or thought on Love & forgiveness? If so, please share in "comments" ...

With Love,

Your Mystical Mama

My Work is Done?

2009-12-16T16:31:00.000-08:00

The Parent's Tao Te Ching

Interpretation by William Martin ...

"Life can seem mundane
but it is not.
Children can seem ordinary,
and troublesome
and fragile
but they are not.

You may feel alone
and powerless
and separated

But you are not."

I rest my case.

It's Alright

2009-12-16T16:15:00.000-08:00

It's alright to try
To try and try

As long as there is a space within You
of No Effort

It's alright to have Passion,
To burn with Fire!

As long as there is a space in your heart
that weeps with Contentment

It's alright to be angry, outraged
Inflamed!

As long as there is a space in your heart
Of total Tenderness

It's alright to make all sorts of plans,
to Dream and Envision

As long as there is a space in your heart
That lives only in
The Now

It's alright to go out on a limb
To grasp for something, just beyond reach ...

As long as there is a space in your heart
That is Welded to the Root

It's alright to be firm and direct

As long as there is a space in your heart
That Swims in Softness

It's alright

It is All alright

As long you open your heart
And take your perfectly Still Space
for a good walk around the block
Twice a day

... Understanding that
when time has played its last trick on you,
And everything you borrowed must be
Returned

The Space
The Space
The Stillness and
The Space

is all you keep.

At the End

2009-11-22T16:24:00.000-08:00

As the dream dissolved,

My heart opened

and two birds flew

Into the blue

and endless sky ...

Freedom!

Lucky Girl

2009-11-08T19:04:00.000-08:00

I am so lucky!

Born into small, trans-continental family
loving & dedicated mother,
spiritually-finding father,

(divorced, yes, it's OK)

To have been
Surrounded by Conscious people
To have known
Dear Mr. Sydney Banks
to have stumbled into arms of dedicated & loving husband
also spiritually-finding
who helps to guide me beyond ego
To have birthed two beautiful girls
Who fill the room with their whole-hearted Being

To live in an era of awakened Souls
Surrounded by wise and dedicated colleagues

To be healthy!
To live in California!
Trees on our street
turning toward their annual Splendor

To enjoy the blessings of
running water,
walking to school,
green parks,
central heat,
plenty to eat

But the miracle of all miracles
Is that there are times when I do not feel ...
& cannot remember

Gratitude

at all!

(Someone whack me with a Nerf bat, please!)

What can you feel grateful for?

Consider this poem your whack.

(& you're welcome.)

Angelic Visit

2009-10-11T08:14:00.000-07:00

Our troupe (the Traveling Mills-Naim Circus) ended up, somewhat serendipitously, at Coit Tower in San Francisco yesterday. I say "serendipitously" because the way it goes in San Francisco now is that you basically end up visiting whatever area is around the parking spot that you find.

So we ended up on the shoulder of Telegraph Hill & trooped up, as Troupes (& Troops) do. The place was mobbed, which was surprising to me. I mean, Coit Tower is nice, but somewhat quaint as far as local attractions go ... & then I realized, (I had heard rumors of) that we were on one of the highest hills in San Francisco for Fleet Week. Huzzah!

So the kids and I (Barukh was on a phone call just down the hill) watched as three or four fighter planes zipped around the Bay, trailing pinkish, blue and white vapors and doing somersaults, complicated aerial formations and even making vapor shapes like a pink and blue heart with an arrow shot through.

This was followed by some rather large planes performing less complicated maneuvers and then there was a lengthy pause, as we all waited expectantly for the actual Blue Angels--slated to appear at 3.

Well, the Blue Angels came in with a bang, flying quite low and nearly taking out the tower. One came in so low that small children started to cry from the deafening roar, and as the plane pulled up, heading toward the stratosphere, I noticed a small bird struggling to stay aloft in its wake. The bird seemed to have lost all sense of direction, and fluttered about miserably, heading this way and then that, and I worried for its delicate internal mechanisms which seemed to have suffered a terrible shock.

The now famous parrots of Telegraph Hill also appeared disturbed by the commotion and the Tsunami-sized sound waves rolling over the Hill. They fluttered up and down in a flock, seemingly unsure where to be. (Please see "The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill," if you have not done so already.) All the birds in the City, I thought, needed tiny little bird ear plugs for this event. Then I spent some time wondering if birds do indeed have ears. (I'm sure they must, to hear each other singing!)

The Blue Angels performed a few tricks and within less than ten minutes it seemed, they were done. The crowd was crestfallen, but accepted their collective fate, and started trickling off down the Hill.

As our Troupe descended the formidable stairs winding down toward North Beach, I felt sure that the reason the Blue Angel show was truncated was because the Navy pilots and their on-the-ground handlers got word that the sensitive birds around Coit Tower were distressed by the displays, and so shut down the whole operation right away.

On a more serious note, my understanding of Fleet Week is that it is sort of a testosterone-driven display of U.S. military might and skill, etc. I mused that the vapor heart was interesting in the midst of all that. And is that a maneuver that Navy pilots might use in the skies of Afghanistan and elsewhere? Creating smoky hearts and peace signs? Hmmmm. Not an entirely bad idea, really, if you think about it. On the other hand, possibly a perfectly horrible idea at this juncture.

The fog was rolling in over the city with all its gray and gusty might, but seemed to leave a pocket of sunshine for us to grab some pretty authentic Italian white bean soup, pasta, and antipasto in the lively neighborhood around Columbus Ave. We then snaked our way over to Portrero Hill for a latte and hot chocolate at Farley's (no whipped cream at Farley's mind you. This place is not frivolous.) I used to hang out at Farley's when I lived on Portrero Hill, and was single and wild, (etc.) Now I was at table with husband and two small children who have become a part of me like new appendages. Amazing! From one to four. How did that happen?

The views of downtown are lovely and sparkly from the Hill. We made a mess at the corner bookstore and then cleaned it up, and our Troupe packed it all in to the very suburban Subaru, having had our fill of the "big, gigantic" City (Alia's description) and sped home to Palo Alto, tired and satisfied.

Pats & Hugs

2009-09-28T09:39:00.000-07:00

If we could only treat each other,
us Grown Ups,
As we treat our own beloved, miraculous children

With Love & great affection
Pats & hugs
Heaps of praise

Understanding that we encourage the fragile seed
of Belief in Self and ...
Affirm their very Being

Remember? Remember?
You and I ran
naked through the house,
Screaming with joy
Madly in love
You did not even know I was a girl,
or I, that you were a boy

What happened to us,

my dear, dear Lost Love?

We began to collect ideas

& Now,

I don't like my idea of your idea

No more hugs & kisses for you!

The Job

2009-09-07T12:06:00.000-07:00

I am coming to learn

(oh, it has taken such a long time! I forget my lessons everyday! I leave my school books out in the rain ... )

I am slowly coming to learn

That my Job

is simply to Love these people

(which people, you ask? All these freaking people, I shout, all of them!)

It is no easy task!

But it is easier,
so very, very much easier,

than anything else.

Last Sand Castle

2009-08-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

My older daughter, Alia, began Kindergarten today! (She now insists that we call her "Ali," actually.) So Ali went to Kindergarten.

That was exciting and everything. We walked to school. We took lots of pictures. I shed a tear, being touched. And then went and drank a lot of coffee (no decaf around, for some reason) with all the other crying parents on the school blacktop. I left the school quite wired, and a bit puffy eyed.

It's been a big day. Ali loved her class and teacher and new friends. But I think I may remember yesterday, somehow, more.

Yesterday was a special day. Ali and I sent my husband and newly-three toddler home and stayed behind in Santa Cruz. We cleaned up our "beach cottage" and went for lunch at Gayle's Bakery in Capitola. Gayle's is quite famous in these parts, for baking and such, and Capitola Village is a little beach-side hamlet straight out of a Thomas Kinkade painting. We walked into the Village along the Soquel River, along the quaint vacation rentals, and run-down beach shacks with their grassy patios and decomposing patio furniture along the water.

We got to the beach and built a sand castle amidst the "seaweed fleas" (Ali's name) that were buzzing around at water's edge. Without the right tools, the castle was very, very round and very organic looking. Free range, let's say. The flies loved it, and moved in right away.

I had told Alia that the day was a Celebrating Day. And she had said, "But there's no cake or balloons or anything about celebrating!"

And I said, "You know, celebrating can just be doing something a little different, like having a special lunch together, or cooking something special, or going out to look at the moon. Or spending special time together."

We both got a little sun burned at the beach, 'cause we had no beach stuff or sunscreen. And as the day grew warmer in the afternoon, I knew we were supposed to hit the highway soon ... to get Ali home and into bed and "ready" for her big day at school.

But I let go of time, for the time, being, and we walked all through the Village, and Ali bought a Minnie Mouse clock at a second hand store, to "wake her up" for school (no alarm, though). And we meandered, and wondered, and held hands, and then, finally, reluctantly, got in the car, and drove home.

I don't always see the charm in Capitola Village. It sometimes just looks like a tourist trap to me. But it's interesting what happens when we put our Celebration glasses on.

And first-day-of-school is something special, for sure. But so is every moment with our children, with each other, that we declare to be special.

I know school means a schedule now, and some milestones to achieve.

And, somehow, the free ranging thinking and feeling of summer, seems more important to me on this day. The Me and My Girl moments, that nourish us both ... in ways that are impossible to measure.

Yesterday

2009-08-11T12:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so ... in my face!

Yesterday, everything I had was not enough. Everything I am "supposed to do" was nothing I wanted to do. I did not want to be a mother, a wife, a daughter, an "Executive Director." It was not clear to me that Life itself in any form would be enough. There was fatigue, sadness, anxiety. Where was the connection with my children? I was going through the motions. Doubt. Guilt. Morbidity.

And, in the midst of it all, I could see, like the slightest glimmer of light reaching through the cracks at the edge of a dark door ... I could see that it was all just Fine. Terrible thoughts, dreadful thoughts, run-away-to-Mexico thoughts. All Fine.

When the kids went to bed, I watched "Step Brothers" with my husband. Nothing to do, nowhere to run to ... No thoughts to even "get rid of."

And when I woke up this morning, the world was beautiful again, because my head was beautiful again.

And actually, the World, "Reality," was as it always had been.

And simply welcomed me Home, again.

You are safe, Darling! You just had a bad dream.

The Present

2009-07-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

I am reminded that, although I have come a long way ...

There is still nowhere to Go.

The Attitude

2009-06-16T17:04:00.000-07:00

"Find the feeling ... of being grateful."

--Mr. Sydney Banks, A/V materials (frequent theme in talks)

"Reality is always kind."

--Byron Katie

"If you imagine the universe is agitated, go out and look at the night stars."

--Lao Tzu

Last night, my husband and I were chatting about "Life," as it were/is/may be. There were some of the usual apparent difficulties, recessionary issues and etc.

I said to him, "See how the universe is being helpful to you."

"Yes," he said, "it's all in how you think about it."

And I said, no, "See how the universe is being helpful, not that you think it is, but that it is."

Which seemed quite different to me at the time.

Sydney Banks, who passed away on Memorial Day, talked often of gratitude as the doorway to inner knowledge. He told us all to be grateful for little things, big things, medium things, all things.

I am starting to see that gratitude shifts our thoughts toward how the universe supports us. A pause at a traffic light, a time for reflection. A child. (A child!) A soft hotel bed. A fresh breeze. Sunshine. A husband who comes home at 5 every day. A husband who stays late, working hard for his family. Time alone. Time together. A neck ache that puts you in bed for a rest.

As we shift our thoughts toward how the universe supports us, we begin to go beyond just experiencing the effects of "positive thinking" and toward the very Nature of the Universe and Reality.

Reality is Love, Intelligence, Power.

Reality is Love.

Reality supports us, as that is its nature. It could not fail to do so.

& if you seek, so shall you find ...

with Love,

Your Mystical Mama

Sydney Banks

2009-05-26T16:08:00.000-07:00

Mr. Sydney Banks, author, philosopher, lecturer, father, husband, mystic, passed away in the morning, Memorial Day, May 25.

Mr. Banks' life and work demonstrated that an ordinary, uneducated person has access to unlimited reservoirs of Love and Intelligence.

In my own life, he showed me that what I thought was real, was not. And that this "boring old world" was full of mystery and miracle. What personal contact I had with him always brought great leaps of understanding and opened new realms for me of feeling and gratitude. Sometimes, in his presence, the world would tremble and wobble in my peripheral vision, & a great openness would happen within, a Spirit, a feeling, boundless in its magnitude--almost frightening--would descend. Then, it would be gone as quickly as it had come. Leaving a sense of promise of more to come ...

Mr. Banks was inordinately generous with his knowledge when he felt that someone sincerely wanted to learn. And his simple, workaday approach to mystical knowledge, his emphasis on "plain" positivity, hope and human kindness made an end to suffering possible for so many thousands of people--from professionals to inmates to young children.

It was always Mr. Banks' hope that the great helping fields of psychology and psychiatry--which nobly work to alleviate the world's suffering--would finally come to see the logic of his Divine principles: Mind, Consciousness and Thought. We experience what we think. And there is so much more in us than we know.

For more information, please see Mr. Banks' website at sydneybanks.org, or see any of his many books, including: The Missing Link: Reflections on Philosophy & Spirit, The Enlightened Gardener, The Enlightened Gardener Revisited, Dear Liza, and etc. Audiovisuals (DVD's, etc.) are at www.lonepinepublishing.com ... (Click on Self-Help or Psychology.)

Goodbye, Syd!

And Thank You.

I wish I'd had more time with you ...

When the Child Calls

2009-05-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

When the Child calls

let her pull you in

(this time, at least)

Observe as she reaches for This Moment,

pulling it toward her, too

The sand, so different

there's a crunch-smoosh, crunch-smoosh

Each wave with its Name

& Spirit

The Beach! ... it is

Full of screams!

Shape shifting waters,

running, crashing, pulling,
each wave, pulling for Home
where all waves become One
after their brief lives, alone

(but not alone, really, were they?
This, the child knows)

And hot sand cools to warm sand &
wet & sticky sand

Sand crabs, broken shell
Sea gull, fetid smell

All awash in the freshest of breezes

(the Sea's is)

Maybe, a moment,

You will Live again

Play is just presence

The Child Within!

Who was with you, was you, all this time

(as wave with ocean)

Welcome back, my Friend!

Let's expect

More to come.

(Remember: He said,
You must be, He said,
Like the little children.)

Mouths of Babes

2009-02-27T17:01:00.000-08:00

"Love will make you whatever you want to be."

Maya, age 3 & 1/2, in the midst of festivities, at Father's Day breakfast

Praying to Love

2008-11-16T06:45:00.000-08:00

Love!

Come, come and show me

how it is to See without seeing

the Soul of another

My Soul

Teach me how to

Trust You

For how I shall be clothed,

for where I shall eat and sleep

… for every Next Thing

show me how

You are Provision

Love!

Fill me with that ecstasy

unknown to the “outer” world

… which can do no harm

Show me how to stand with Courage

and still to Love

To speak my Peace

and still to Love

Show me how to BE my Peace

to be my Ease

Show me how Safe and Free are

One

Show me how You are Everything

And all

That is needed.

(I have been told

that I am already Yours …)

Take me!

Black Snake Moan

2008-10-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

Black Snake Moan

Has anyone else seen this movie? Traveling on business, I wound up watching Showtime late at night in a Portland, Ore. hotel room and came across this film starring Christina Ricci and Samuel S. Jackson. The beginning had me wondering if I ought to just turn it off—it’s the tale of a sexually abused “pretty young thang” in the deep South whose boyfriend leaves for the army. She has been dependent on him for her sexual release (she is a fierce sex addict who breaks into hives if she doesn’t “get it”). When he leaves, she also loses his love and stability, and she goes on a hard to watch drinking-“getting it”-getting raped-(well, it would be rape if she were to object at all)-and-finally-beat-up binge. I winced the whole way through these opening scenes.

A local farmer and black man played by Sammy Jackson finds her at the edge of his driveway, after she’s been left half naked and for dead on his back road in the boonies. Jackson’s got his own demons he’s dealing with: mostly a wife who has left him after many years for his spiffed up younger brother. He has shunned help from local church members and friends after nearly killing his brother in a barroom brawl. And then he finds … this girl.

I don’t want to give too much of the plot away, but what follows is a series of strange events that have you wondering if Jackson has found God or done gone batty. Suffice it to say, the story winds up as a tale of redemption for both characters. What I loved most about it was the way sexuality was put front and center with an initially muddy, but then sensible and loving demarcation between what healthy sexuality and unhealthy sexuality look like, what moral and immoral look like and, most importantly, feel like.

In the most unusual scene along these lines, Jackson’s character, Lazarus, takes Ricci’s character to a local blues bar where he leads a jam session on guitar. The mostly black crowd accepts this overly thin, beat up looking white girl into their midst, and proceed to “dirty dance” with her: men and women, women and women, all kinds of combinations (not quite going out on a limb with men and men, though). This is a very sexy scene in which, actually, no one has sex or even seems interested in actually having sex when all is said and done.

There were other things I loved. The way Christianity is in this film without adherence to the rigid constructions of religion, but as a faith which—when practiced gently—is essentially a faith of forgiveness and non-judgment. The way Jackson’s character boldly steps out into town after a while with his young charge ... and the way things actually turn out good, in the end, and not bad. I mean, in a film with blacks and whites and rape and sexuality, you keep expecting somebody to get killed, or at least wind up in a whole heap of trouble. And I, for one—while I appreciate some cinematic tension—really just want to see a happy ending. I have had my fill, at 40, of gratuitous fear and violence in movies. And I think happy endings are realistic, and happen quite a lot in real life.

This movie reminded me of the 1991 film starring Laura Dern and her mother, Diane Ladd, called "Rambling Rose." Rambling Rose was also set in the South, where a grounded kind of spirituality (Dern’s adopted family) meets young, out-of-control sexuality with some turbulence, but in the end, with Love, common sense, healing and salvation. I picked up the term "Creative Energy of the Universe," denoting God, from this film (adapted from the book by Calder Willingham).

The media around Black Snake Moan reminds me of the out-of-context way people responded to “Boxing Helena” (1993, directed by Jennifer Lynch) without grokking the deeper meaning of the film. The move poster for Black Snake Moan was completely at odds with the movie’s actual meaning and point, as were criticisms from feminist camps about its depiction of violence and sexuality. There are some films, like Boxing Helena, and many of Oliver Stone’s films that show violence or even exaggerated violence or fantasy, in order to illustrate a larger social comment about these issues. The content gets skewered (just because it's there) and the comment gets lost (because no one is listening).

Finally, it is also a treat to hear Samuel Jackson play the blues, which he does often in this film (and learned to do so for this film), although I’m not sure “Black Snake Moan” is my favorite song of all time, and certainly not my favorite song--or movie--title.

So, Your Mystical Mama says: Thumbs up for Black Snake Moan … Parental Cautions: Lot of sexuality, and disturbing sexuality, at the beginning of this film and some violence. No one actually dies, as far as I can now recall—and many are healed.

Encounter with Ma & Pa Forgiveness

2008-08-04T16:48:00.000-07:00

A while back, I had the excellent fortune of meeting with forgiveness authors Jerry Jampolsky and Diane Cirincione (they are married.) Jampolsky is famous for the book "Love is Letting Go of Fear" and he and Diane have now authored quite a few books together--as well as serving as mentors to various centers, based on forgiveness and related ideas, around the world.

They gave me their full, sunlit attention. I felt bathed in love and interest. And when I left they plied my hands full of their books, each of which they had signed especially for me.

It got me thinking about forgiveness, of course. First, there's that word, to Fore-give. To me that means that I give my gift to you before you give anything to me. Perhaps I feel that you have damaged me in some way in the past ... you have abused, or are now merely irritating me.

Rather than wait for you to help me feel better, I give you the gift of helping myself to feel better. I could wait forever for you to help me feel better, actually. And on the day I die, the jury might still be out.

But if I give you the gift of:

Hey, you are just a human being.

We all make mistakes.

Maybe I have not seen this correctly.

Maybe there is something good inside of you after all.

We are all in the same boat.

What can I enjoy about you now?

Then I have given myself my peace of mind back ... and I have given you the freedom (at least in my presence) to do the same.

We are afraid to fore-give, because the implication is that if we give something, we end up with less of something. How about less misery and suffering?

I think that's the idea the good old Bible was trying to turn around with: "To give is to receive." When we give up our grievance, when we give our forgiveness, my goodness, do we ever feel a whole lot better! Let the receiving begin!

When my grandmother was getting ready to pass away, I read her some short passages out of the Jampolsky/Cirincione books. She said,

"The hardest person to forgive is yourself."

Oh yes. Isn't that they key?

So here is my Fore-gift to you:

You are just a human being, my friend.

We all make mistakes.

Isn't it wonderful that we are all in this same damn leaky and imperfect boat,

Together?

Now,

Where's the luau?

With love,

From your Mystical Mama

A Good Idea

2008-07-31T16:28:00.000-07:00

"You must stop thinking about yourself,

And think of something far greater."

--Sydney Banks, author of The Missing Link, Dear Liza, The Enlightened Gardener

Inspired/Founder of ... Three Principles psychology

See www.lonepinepublishing.com & "Self Help"

One Day You Will Awaken

2008-06-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

One day you will awaken

And find the Master alive

Inside of you

Closer than hands and feet,

Nearer than breathing

Then,

You will bend

To anoint your very own feet with oil

Full of humility,

Utterly harmless,

Realizing Power,

Ecstatic with passionate love

For every object in consciousness

Tender, Amazed

At your own magnificence

Partially dissolved in the Unified Field

You will rush to

Press your money

Into the hands of strangers

Who will say,

“God bless you!”

And you will arch your brow,

Smiling,

You who are

Now

Utterly Complete ...

Needing no

Such thing

Yes!

2008-05-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

I believe in you!

And I have come to believe in you

As a matter

Of believing in My Self ...

Because at some point,

My dear, dear and darling friend,

You and I

Are One

and the same.

... and my believing in you is an act of & for my own glorious, magnificent, most radiant

survival!

"The New Physics" or, Time is On Our Side?

2008-05-01T17:03:00.000-07:00

Of course, I have no idea about physics--much less any kind of "new" physics ... God forbid! But I do have this hunch.

My hunch is that there is ground point, a common intersection between the spiritual mystics (or mysticism) and the science of physics. Actually, the physicists are behind on this one. For if they understood deeply how reality is created, they would be mystics themselves!

The point of connection is in the very basis, or creation of manifestation itself.

Somehow, folks like Jesus and Sydney Banks and Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle look at "reality" not from the stance of being "in time," but from the stance of Origin, as in origin of Time. The mistake we make is in thinking that time "started" at some point, in the "past."

Whereas, I think these "people" (and they do not always see themselves as such!) see that time is always starting Now. There is no other time, only memory of past creation, which creates the illusion of time. Via memory, we create time.

Therefore, they see that there is no "time," no real "space" and no "matter." Everything is being created Now--and somehow, from within our Selves ... or as part of ourselves. (I get lost here ... Again, just a novice! No questions, please!)

Author and philosopher/Theosopher Sydney Banks has said that the universe is a "giant ball of energy." Perhaps there is no time--just this "ball" that manifests differently, according to our Thoughts, or God's Thoughts or Both. Like the sun, with its infinite rays ... all these rays simultaneously outmanifesting Now. Perhaps we perceive time and "reality" just based on where "we" (individualized consciousness) are localized--mentally, perceptually--in this "ball."

We think we "travel" in time, when really we just project infinite pictures--experience all this via the physical, via the senses, and then believe we have experienced something "real."

"Reality" ... always different for everyone.

But is it all just made up?

Are "miracles" simply the result of understanding True Physics? I believe a miracle, a healing, intuition and ESP represent not "breaks" or transgressions of the laws of physics, but are simply the result of insight into True Physics, and the nature of creation (from the formless into form--Now, always Now).

So then, are there really "other people" or are we all One, in this energy that encompasses All Life?

All the mystics speak of Oneness. I felt this oneness, once, for an entire week ... and still in tiny glimpses now, from "time" to "time."

One energy, one universe, one time.

Now.

Hmmmmmmm ...

With Love from your

Nearly Mystical Mama

Bright Ideas & Pet Peeves

2008-03-29T11:22:00.000-07:00

Please steal these ideas!

Green China: an online and regular retail company that imports eco-friendly, sustainable items from China: organics, vegan, free-range-fair-trade-indigenous and climate-friendly doodads and whoosits. (Perhaps this already exists?)

A company that creates community between such companies here and like minded folks in China ... a company that makes "eco" hip in China and "China-eco" hip here. As a half-Chinese, eco-minded woman, why does China have to represent everything smoggy, exploited, endangered and lead filled? China is so fantastic--so sensual and maximally flavored and colored. There's so much there to "export" that doesn't have to be toxic.

Once, in China, I had a conversation at a dinner party with a Chinese businessman, a Shanghai resident, who told me that everyone in Shanghai wanted a car. Okay, I get this. We can't tell people what they should or shouldn't want, given that we all have wanted (and mostly have) these things, here, as Americans. But if we do indeed lead the way in what is "hip," and desirable, can we start putting something else out there?

I said, "Oh, jeez," (having just toured the city) "that would be a nightmare. You don't want everyone here to have a car."

And of course, he responded, "But everyone in the States has a car. You have a car, no?"

"Well, yes, I do have a car." I was trying to think fast. "But this is a big city. You know, in New York, a lot of people actually don't have cars."

"Really?"

"Oh, yes, really. In fact, Woody Allen doesn't even know how to drive, I don't think."

"Hmmmm." He said. He was fascinated, I could tell. He was thinking.

Finally, he asked, "Who is Woody Allen?"

More Bright Ideas to come ... (I hope)

With Love,

from your Mystical Mama

A Real Question for James Lipton

2008-01-18T16:04:00.000-08:00

If I were James Lipton at the Actor’s Studio, I would ask my celebrities this question:

“If the whole world were like a high school, then celebrities would be the athletes and cheerleaders of the world, the uber-popular kids …

"What has the experience of celebrity done for your personhood? Have you used celebrity to your advantage in less than savoury ways? Has celebrity used you to its advantage in less than savoury ways?

"Have you discovered a way—within celebrity—to be grounded and kind? Have you discovered valueless-ness in what, before, seemed valuable to you?

"… Have you found a new value—a silence, a richness, a wonder within?—that goes beyond fame, adventure, wealth and power? … Or have you become lost in the roiling waves of the world’s fantastical projections?

… or maybe you are somewhere in between?

Enlighten us!”

(and, of course, enquiring minds want to know ... )

Clarity

2008-01-14T20:04:00.000-08:00

It is becoming more and more clear to me that we live with nothing but our thoughts. "I want," "I need"--thoughts of non-completion (incompleteness? Help me here ... ). "I love this." "I love you." Ahhhh, now here are some thoughts to rest in, to fall into ...

"I am fine."

"You are fine."

"This is fine."

What can we do about any of it, anyway? Really?

Life goes on despite our decisions and worries and concerns. Mostly having very little--if anything!--to do with any kind of plan or picture of what we thought life would be like. It's just going, flowing. It is stuck in traffic. It is wife leaving us for another man. It is husband being judgmental. It is mother-in-law being worried. It is child throwing tantrum, becoming drug addict.

It is all these "terrible" things.

When we no longer care (or rather, when we care deeply about our peace of mind instead) the judgment begins to slow down ... and then it stops. And then we realize, oh, You are Me. Hey, great, it's fantastic that you are:

boring me with details
having an affair
not going to pay me the money you borrowed

What do I care when I am in love with Life
and Life

has started

to love

me

back!

( ... the view beyond my judgment is
just
so much
better

and I can't even imagine
what lies
beyond
That!)

China's Take

2007-12-29T10:09:00.000-08:00

An excerpt from a forthcoming novel ...

Sometimes, I am amazed and happy about small, obvious things. Like, that my clothes fit into drawers. How marvelous! Who invented drawers? A place for everything, everything in its place. They roll out, they roll in. They disappear--invisible, inner rows, storing treasures of all textures and colors. At top, a place to perch a photo, a glass of water, a watch, a can of beer. Whose idea was this? I'd like to thank them.

I am grateful.

Or that there are roads. Amazing. Think of the complexity and thought that has gone into roads. People came together and planned, rolled out endless sheets of paper onto tables, and then dug and laid hot pavement and built a network so vast, so intricate that one can drive all around in one's own city, never bumping into anything, going everywhere! And, then--even more amazing still--one can leave and drive to another city altogether!

When I think this way, life feels complete. What else could one want when one has drawers and also roads?

In these moments, I realize that it is not what we seek that will make us happy, but what already is. We don't see anything. We don't see anything we have.

And if that's the case, what could we possibly do with anything more?

Excerpt from a novel for young adults ...

I woke up and all I knew was my Mommy was gone, my Mommy was gone. My daddy had never been, and now my Mommy was gone, too. I blinked, and cried, and blinked. I felt tears pool around my eyes and run down sideways across my face to where my cheek rested on, what? something, not a pillow. Something slick.

A soft sadness, and as I woke up more, I realized I was 16 years old and my Mommy had been gone now for a long, long time. I had been wondering where she was for 11 years. But the more important question now, was Where am I?

Curiouser & Curiouser Part II

2007-11-28T15:53:00.004-08:00

More Family Facts & Figures

• Children of depressed moms are more likely to be anxious or depressed or to engage in disruptive behavior. (Parenting Magazine, Dec. 2007) I imagine this would be true for depressed dads, too. I include this statistic not to create more depression, but because I believe the current trend has been to negate state of mind in favor of “biochemical” causes for almost all untoward behavior on the part of children. I do believe that the feeling state in the home has a foundational impact on children in the home. If there were no way to change one’s state of mind, this would be distressing news indeed. However, as Sydney Banks (“The Missing Link,” “Second Chance,” “The Enlightened Gardener,” and et. al.) has said, mental health and happiness for every human being on the planet is “just one thought away.” Take care of yourselves, Moms, Dads, Foster Folks, Grandfolks, Loving Others! … You will find a way.

• There is no greater risk for emotional problems among adopted kids (adopted as infants) than among non-adopted children. In fact, adopted teenagers scored higher than their non-adopted siblings or samples of their peers in connectedness, caring, social competency, school achievement, optimism and “support” (available support from others) measures. Search Institute, Minneapolis, 1994.

• Less Guilt! There is no correlation between time spent watching TV (for children) and time spent exercising, playing sports, or engaging in other types of physical activity. In other words, there is no negative correlation. In other words, “there was no statistically significant difference in the amount of time light, moderate or [even] heavy TV viewers reported spending in physical activity.” Actually, heavy TV viewers registered nearly 10 minutes more physical activity per day than light TV viewers. However, in both 1) houses with TV “rules” or 2) without a TV in the home, kids on average, engaged in reading 16 minutes more per day. (Kaiser Family Foundation, 2005, www.kff.org, see executive summary #7250 or full report #7251.)

• The Kaiser study did find a correlation linking kids who reported as “discontented” and/or kids not doing well in school to increased/high media use, including playing video games (one to two hours more, on average, per day). This makes perfect sense to me—an escape. Overall, despite increasing and more variegated media use, “most young people report being largely happy and well adjusted.” Hurrah! (They’re not just saying that, are they?)

Chrysalis

2007-11-28T15:43:00.000-08:00

Your anger is a veil

Like Spiderman shoots a web at the world,

So you spit and seethe your Fury

But this web keeps you from seeing, changing, moving, growing

It binds you tight.

Who knows if your victim has been damaged, or hurt

Or made stronger?

Have you evoked fear

Or Love?

Only one thing is certain.

Like a cocoon wound too tightly,

Or the spider's sticky shroud

Anger will kill you, first.

Unless ...

Unless you emerge from your chrysalis

Free!

and beat your sudden wings

damp with your second--& most significant--birth

into Newness, the vast & tremulous Unknown

Now ...

you are

full of tenderness,

full of rhythm

In ecstatic flight

through the Infinite night.

Welcome!

Lomi Lomi Conflict Mediation

2007-11-28T13:41:00.000-08:00

The Director Emeritus of my daughter's Preschool, a man I consider uniquely gifted in his demeanor and interaction with children, is also a huge Hawaii fan. He told me this:

In Hawaii, in the old tradition, when there was an argument or a disagreement or bad feelings, all the people involved would come together and listen closely to each other as each person shared from their heart.

When this was all done, and everyone had a chance to speak and everyone felt heard and understood, they would all have a Lomi Lomi massage and jump into the ocean for a swim.

Curiouser and Curiouser

2007-11-28T13:33:00.000-08:00

Surprising Facts and Figures about Families, Parenting and Kids

In most cases, I cite the relevant sources. Corrections welcome.

Families & Couples

In a 2002 study of “unhappy” marriages and spouses from such marriages, researchers found that divorce did not ensure that spouses, overall, became more happy. It was more likely (two-thirds of “unhappy” marriages/spouses studied) that spouses became more happy staying in the marriage and weathering various marital storms—including having children, depressive episodes, infidelity, financial stress and what the researchers called “men behaving badly.” Spouses who divorced, on average, showed no significant improvements in well-being, self-empowerment, personal efficacy or depressive symptoms and showed an overall increase in use of alcohol. (I’m guessing alcohol use may increase as a result of more time spent out in public venues like bars.)

Marital counseling, especially secular marital counseling, did not play any significant role in helping couples to stay married. Couples, and especially men, were wary of couples’ counseling and especially “value neutral” counseling that was perceived as not valuing the institution of marriage itself. More helpful—according to spouses interviewed—were invested outsiders, such as family members and clergy, who encouraged couples to “stick with it.”

Almost 8 of 10 spouses who had reported that their marriages were “very unhappy” reported themselves as happily married (to the same spouse) five years later. (In other words, the most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds.)

No significant differences were found in education and income levels between those reporting themselves as happily or unhappily married after five years.

Often, only one spouse in a marriage reports as “unhappy.”

Wives were most often the “barometers” of whether the marriage was happy or not … Although men in marriages that “became happy” reported making significant changes or shifts in their thinking and behaviors to create a better marriage. (In other words, men had little awareness of how their behaviors impacted their marriages, but were able to gain awareness and make changes.)

The birth of first and second children significantly impacted marital happiness for the worse. However, dedication to the well-being of children was a potent force in keeping marriages intact. Enjoyment of children together was then cited as one of the many benefits in marriages that eventually become happy. (This is a very touching section, with quotes from participants, in the study report.)

The threat of divorce, when seen as real, was a major incentive to many spouses—especially men—to “get it together” and change.

Commonly cited reasons for why a marriage improved: time passing, or just “sticking it out” (number one!); a “marital endurance ethic”; improved communication/adjustments.

Researchers found that “commitment [to marriage] is not just a side effect [of a happy marriage], but is also a cause of relationship happiness.” Entertaining the idea of divorce or separation over time, or “continually wondering whether your marriage is good enough to keep can be exhausting … When people are intensely committed to their marriages, they invest more in the relationship, they minimize the importance of differences they can’t resolve … they have a powerful incentive to understand their partner’s actions in the best possible light, and to be an advocate for their spouse as well as themselves.”

One wife in the study said: “I just had to try to ride it out and not bitch so much.” One man said his father (who lived in Ghana) told him: “It’s not any easier with another wife!”

When marriages were extremely bad and involved physical conflict and violence, there was a benefit in divorcing for spouses interviewed. This was a very small number of all marriages studies (four to six percent).

--“Does Divorce Make People Happy?: Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages,” 2002, Institute for American Values (this study is available as a highly readable 39-page document online).

“Good” divorces are not necessarily better for children than two parents staying in a somewhat unhappy (or “low-conflict”) marriage. A study by author Elizabeth Marquadt (“Between Two Worlds”) and Dr. Norval Glenn at the University of Texas at Austin shows that divorce, no matter how amicable “still takes a toll on children’s overall well being, as well as their own future marital success.” Impact on children includes “much less ability to trust and little idea of what a lasting marriage looks like” (from U.T. Austin website article, “The Divorce Dilemma,” 2006). According to Dr. Glenn, “Even by being good people and marrying good people, [these children of ‘good’ divorce] feel they cannot assure that their marriage will work.”

The study also found that “if the marriage is so bad it leaves the primary parent, usually the mother, so depressed she can’t parent effectively, the children are usually better off after the parents divorce. However, only a minority of divorces of couples with children is of this nature …”

“The separation of parents bifurcates children’s inner lives, forcing them to become navigators, conciliators and emotional caregivers at an early age, all of which leaves them with a sense of tentativeness and isolation even as adults … Children whose parents remain in somewhat unhappy, low conflict marriages … fare better in certain crucial spheres than children of divorce.” –from “Straight Talk about Happy Talk: Is there such a thing as a good divorce?” online article in OpinionJournal.

I am raising perhaps controversial points here about divorce and marriage not to make divorced parents feel guilty (which is never helpful), but to help currently married or coupled parents come to grips. Ultimately, one’s inner wisdom, one’s “sense of knowing,” which arises from a calm feeling state, is one’s best guide and last word in all life matters. However, I believe these statistics point to state of mind as the essential variable, more than “externals” in our lives, as the main determinant of we are “happy” or not. It is our state of mind that our children bathe in, and breathe in—from which they nurse. Is it possible that your state of mind, within your marriage, could shift?

I myself am a child of divorce and, because I am, I am certainly the one in my marriage who has thought of divorce more often, who has wondered if there is “something better out there” and if all my “needs” are being met.

My husband, who comes from a large and intact, tightly-knit family, reports that he does not think this way at all. (I think this is sub-consciously why I married him). When I needed an “excuse” to settle my mind and become happy, these facts and figures appeared in my life. They explained a lot for me. When I commit to my marriage and my children, I experience the joy of companionship and partnership, humor and love, togetherness. I am not committing to an institution or body of moral law, I am simply committing to Now. I am committing to the one who happens to be by my side. I am committing to a love that sometimes cannot be seen.

Socio-political debates about marriage as an institution are relevant in context. However, I believe that conservatives and progressives alike deeply (and sometimes sub-consciously) value Love and caring—as well as individual freedom. And we all do, or should, value children.

If we can adjust our own thinking and expectations, setting our sights on happiness within our current circumstances, then happy outcomes (and more harmonious external circumstances) result from this internal shift, including happy and harmonious outcomes for our children.

Recommended Reading: “A Book for Couples” and “I Will Never Leave You: How Couples Can Achieve the Power of Lasting Love” Hugh & Gayle Prather, “The Relationship Handbook,” George Pransky, “Whole Child/Whole Parent” Polly Berrien Berends.

More curious family stats to come ...

i wonder sometimes ...

2007-10-11T09:25:00.000-07:00

"i wonder sometimes,

if we ever give God a headache."

--Dontay Hall, age 8

... as printed on a Kate Harper Designs greeting card

A Timely Invitation

2007-10-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

This blog is not meant to promote, particularly, any one person or philosophy (except myself, of course!)

However, due to a very special event, approaching rapidly (see below), I dedicate this blog to the work of Mr. Sydney Banks (see also www.sydneybanks.org).

Here are excerpts from his books and lectures:

It is impossible to lose the ego ... "You can only find out what the ego is so that it will have less control over you. Then you will stop having to prove yourself to the world ... and the feeling of contentment and self-esteem will be yours."

--Sydney Banks, "Second Chance"

"There is no fixed way to get oneself into a state of meditation. The state of meditation comes when the ego is put to sleep via silence."

--Sydney Banks, "Second Chance"

"Once the mind is elevated, it will never return permanently to its former state."

--S. Banks, "The Enlightened Gardener"

"The vastness of this physical earth and sky, with all its solar systems, is miniscule compared to what lies within every living soul on the face of this earth."

--"The Enlightened Gardener Revisited"

"In the illusory world of thought, many believe the inner self is God and the outer self is the body. But I can assure you, the inner self and the outer self are the same thing.

Your eyes must see in the singular if you want to find the truth.

When you understand this, you will see through the illusionary duality of life."

--S. Banks, "The Missing Link"

"Heaven is not a place, it is a conscious state."

--S. Banks, lecture

The discoveries and nearly lifelong work of Mr. Sydney Banks, Canadian author and theosopher, have produced a now widely practiced psychology based on three psycho-spiritual, or formless, principles. These principles of Mind, Consciousness and Thought condense the mysteries and wisdom of the ages into simple truths, easily shared, that awaken the mental health and well-being in even severely distressed individuals.

I have been a student and teacher of these principles in various settings for more than a decade--and have witnessed remarkable and very swift outcomes in my own clients and students. In the county in which I work, Principles-based psychology has expanded rapidly throughout mental health and social services, including juvenile justice, due to client outcomes and client demand.

At this time, Principles-based psychology is taught and practiced in academic settings, hospital systems, city and county government, school districts, correctional institutions and sober living and recovery institutions--as well as in the corporate world.

Mr. Banks will be holding perhaps his last public lecture in the U.S. in San Jose, California on October 20 & 21, 2007 at the bucolic Dolce Hayes Mansion. Therapists, counselors, psychiatrists and psychologists who practice a Principles-based psychology, nationally and internationally, will be in attendance. Registration is through Pransky and Associates at 360-466-5200. Registration forms can be found at my own organization's website at www.centerforsustainablechange.org ...

Because mental health and inner well-being is the basis for positive, loving, and respectful human relations, I strongly encourage all those who seek to help the world end suffering and find peace in the fastest possible manner to attend this seminar.

Mr. Banks teaches a truly simplified truth with vast implications for the mental health field, community renewal, parents, teachers, children and youth.

With Love and Great Regard,

Ami

Swallow the Moon

2007-09-19T07:07:00.000-07:00

A Poem for Pregnant Elise

By and by,

Baby will be coming soon

You, who have

Swallowed the moon

Now follow the course of its arc in-utero

waxing into fullness within

(Who knew you could hold the moon in your belly?)

carrying this ethereal weight

beyond fullness and ripeness, into bruisy, turning juiciness

Bearing, with its majesty,

Bearing down darkness, down-ness, too

Yes, sometimes,

The dark side of the moon whips its scythe over fluffy pink and blue-ness

Though Darkness

also bears its gift—a Question,

revealing Mystery

of Birth, of Soul Appearing from Shadow

and as you stay open, open! as darkness grows,

You may find within that Shadow

the Joy you seek, too

of Love crowning and descending upon you

Revealing what it means to

Mother, to be constant—to be pock-marked and battered

to be luminescent and light, a comfort in the night

to be loved, to ache within

waxing and waning

again and again,

Oh holy holy

roly-poly

Mother Moon

The Quickest Route to Change

2007-09-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

The quickest route to change is gratitude.

Love your life as it is now ... whatever you can find about it to love

And your heart & mind will open wide to receive

What is wonderful to come ...

HOWEVER,

Here's the deeper secret

For those really ready (is it you? is it you?
... if not now, later then
I will meet you here, again)

It's all true ...

wonderful things, life unfolding, taking wing,
people, places, relations--all the worldly Nouns

But the real change

the change you're really looking for

is Gratitude

itself.

My Children Are My Gurus Now

2007-08-02T17:30:00.000-07:00

I am intimidated by gurus. I feel they must see right through me, and I suppose I have yet to accept that what they may see is entirely good.

On the other hand, I believe the idea is supposed to be that they do see right through me ... and therefore what they see is entirely good.

Let's hope it's the latter for everyone's sake.

My children also see right through me, but I am also sure that they love me very much. Of course, they depend on me entirely, and so the deck is stacked in my favor. At any rate, I get to love them back--and it's a beautiful thing.

My children are my gurus now. When they are present, they are very present and--if I tune in--there is so much love and joy and laughter there. So much purity, so much energy.

I am not always "tuned in," of course. Often, I am tuned out. But after observing myself for some time, I noticed that I preferred to be tuned in.

Just noticed ... just noticed.

Soon enough, it was hard to see a reason to tune out.

Self torture, perhaps.

Still, I do that once in a while. But my kids are my reminder. The little bell goes "ding"--Aldous Huxley's bells from "Island"--and I am reminded,

"Oh! Come back! Come back! Where are you going? ... There is no There there!"

You don't have to be a parent, of course. You can do this with bird song. The wind.

It's all God talking.

But these days, for me, it's my kids.

They say:

Aaaaag ga ga ba ba ba! They say:

Hello, Mommy!!! I am having a picnic with my friends. Can you come? Can you come?

... Here is your chair.

Are You Human, Too?

2007-08-02T17:17:00.000-07:00

Stand back!

Let's unearth

all those mean n' crazy thoughts

we think (yes, I know you do!)

bizarre, inhumane, selfish, shamed, skeptical, deviant, horrific, insane

terrifying, stultifying, completely inane

Angry! Morose! Sullen! Perverse!

Abject!

The worst!

There you are ...

All of it inside of you/inside of me

As humans, We.

A whole, huge heap and tangle

of nothing

And the seeds of everything

Everything we judge

seeded

in us ...

Allow it all to Be

in You &

in Me

the wind passing

& still I love you.

"You Say 'Lazy' Like It's a Bad Thing"

2007-07-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

(Caveat Emptor: A very long, but worthwhile, blog ...)

I have a greeting card on my office wall with that text. A woman in a lovely fifties frock reclines in a hammock, surrounded by flowers, and the card reads:

"You say 'lazy' like it's a bad thing."

The card, of course, is a joke for me. I am a mother of two (baby & toddler), head of a non-profit organization, also work a government contract job, am in the midst of a studio construction and design project, volunteer much of time, attempt to arrange play dates, manage the family finances and social events, write and publish my freelance and book projects, and etc. etc.

You know the drill. Oh, and now I write this blog. The classic picture of the "Woman Who Does Too Much." I don't read books about "Women Who Do Too Much" because that would be yet another thing to do.

Also, I'd prefer to consider myself a "Woman Who Runs with the Wolves" or something similarly wild and free. I would trade places with Paris Hilton in a New York minute, just to saunter around in outrageous fashions, recline on a yacht, and look bored ... I would even take the jail stay. That would be like a retreat for me. Three squares and a cot, peace and quiet (depending on crowding and conditions), no monumental decisions to make. I am down for that.

But I would only take Paris' life for a month or so. Maybe less. I'm sure I would miss my kids and husband. I would even miss my work. Also, perhaps Paris is actually very, very busy and just cultivates the bored look, the bored saunter. In fact, I suspect she is actually a human being.

Unless things that happen in the movies and on TV start happening to me (i.e. I get to trade lives with someone, live in a child's body, receive an extreme life makeover), I have to settle in the meantime for Mystical Mamahood.

Mystical Mamahood means accepting your life and adjusting your head. Mystical Mamahood means that, while things do need to get done, perhaps they do not need to get done all at once. Perhaps they do not even need to get done "right away" as you imagined. Perhaps--and this sounds like sacrilege, I know--they do not even need to get done at all.

I saw an article recently in the local daily paper with the headline: "More Americans Doing Less." I thought, "Thank God! Are we finally starting to slow down?" I have had this uneasy sensation that the world is speeding up. Perhaps this is pretty obvious to everyone by now, but all the technology that was supposed to improve our lives means that we can be "on" and available to almost everyone at almost every moment of the day. Rather than having one squeaky old answering machine to check at home, we now have the home phone, the office phone, the cell phone, the two or three e-mail accounts and other technologically advanced messaging and communication devices that I am still not familiar with.

The time in the car during rush hour for me used to be reflection time. Now I have the capability to make a business or personal call. Others can make an online restaurant reservation, snoop on unsuspecting members of the public via live cam, or browse the web, I hear. So, the original idea would be that you might use your "down time" in the car to get things done so that you could get home and have some real "down time." The problem of course, is that people get home and get busy. There's the e-mail to check, the home voice mail and all the many bills to pay that accompany such technology. (Not to mention continual upgrades and possible repairs.)

Notwithstanding those people who find joy and fun in technology, as one might in any hobby, the culture overall appears to be speeding to manic levels. Even when you settle on the couch to watch the news, you can now both watch the actual televised report and simultaneously try to read other, incoming and apparently urgent written reports scrolling across the bottom of the screen. During your favorite TV program, you can start to think about the next TV program you are going to watch because its animated teaser shows up in the lower left corner doing a little dance.

So I was thrilled to read that "Americans" were "doing less." When I read the article, however, the whole slant was that "procrastination" had become a huge problem in American life. In other words, this "doing less" business was considered a kind of disaster.

If there's anything that Americans need to be doing, it's less. Procrastination may be a separate issue altogether, but I see busy-ness (both mental and physical) as increasing and also as a very serious, if not monumental, mental health issue. And here is why: It is the assumption and experience of the Mystical Mama that true mental health (that is, a rich, grounded, safe and comfortable feeling in life, a sense of connection, aliveness and compassion, a feeling of love) is a state of mind that surfaces only when the mind is actually still. "Still" can mean focused, too. As in singularly focused on a project, a hobby, a piece of art, a child. A still mind imparts a sense of timelessness and meaning that is essential to human mental health. Children, for the most part, are naturally mentally healthy because they have not learned to speed up their thinking and place it unnecessarily in the future or the past.

What compels our "busy-ness"? To what happy end do we hope our busy-ness will bring us to?

Humanity is on a seemingly endless quest for technological advance, information, money, objects, status, prestige, relationships, even individual growth and spiritual mastery ("an endless list of forms of nothingness that you endow with magical powers" --ACIM*).

If only sub-consciously, we all seek some form of contentment from our eventual "achievements." As in, when I get that, when we move, when my husband changes, when my kids behave, when I get pregnant, when I clean the house, when I quit my job ... then I will be content. In actuality, it is the mental habit of seeking that obscures the natural contentment that arises when our minds become still.

There is one study on money and happiness which shows that after people earn $12,000 a year, their level of "happiness" does not increase with any new increase in money. Essentially, if you earn enough to eat and possibly pay the rent (although not in Northern California), you can expect to experience the amount of happiness you will always experience--no matter how much money you make! Of course, this would assume you have not changed your mindset.

The study also showed that, although people do feel temporarily elated with an increase in funds, that elation wears off quickly. People who start to earn more than their "old" friends, soon find new, wealthier friends to compare themselves too. And it never ends. Therefore, in order to experience more happiness, one needs to actually find feelings of contentment, appreciation, love and understanding within the current context of one's life. This means slowing down the mind.

Shabbat Shalom, Peaceful Rest

I know that this is not new information, but it is so important, I feel it cannot be said enough in this culture. Books like "Slowing Down to the Speed of Life" (Joe Bailey & Richard Carlson), "Do Less Achieve More" (Chin-Ning Chu), and "Don't Just Do Something, Sit There" (Sylvia Boorstein) point in this direction. I recommend the books and audio/visual materials of Mr. Sydney Banks (www.lonepinepublishing.com), who speaks so directly of the essential importance of the quiet mind and its relation to wisdom, mental health and common sense.

A quiet mind can also accomplish tasks, cook dinner, tend to children and calm tantrums--and all much more effectively than a distracted, busy mind. So, how many of us take the time to quiet our minds? How many of us set aside a whole day, for example, just to be still and become present?

Some folks have been doing this for millenia, and that would be the Jewish people. The day that observant Jews set aside is Shabbat (later "borrowed" by Christians and re-named "the Sabbath.") My husband is a Sephardic, Israeli Jew. For a while, I took Jewish education classes and I was deeply struck by the Jewish idea of the Sabbath Day, of Shabbat.

This would be the original Sabbath idea, as the Jews were the first monotheists and created the Old Testament and also the holy day of rest (as divinely inspired or commanded, as the case may be). The idea of Shabbat follows the Biblical creation story which tells that after creating the whole, entire universe, God rested for one day ... and took it all in.

The idea then is that we humans should also do so--unless we suppose we actually have more energy than God. In very observant Jewish families, one does not cook or clean on Shabbat, one does not drive a car, use electricity (no TV, no computers), shop, handle money, conduct business or become "productive" in any manner. Interestingly enough, the spirit of Shabbat is feminine and women are especially encouraged to rest (in the texts, at any rate--actual practice seems sketchy.)

Here is what is both encouraged and allowed:

Contemplative reading
Taking walks, socializing with friends
Time with family and especially children
Making love with one's spouse
Comforting others, welcoming strangers into one's home

Much to my mother-in-law's dismay, I never became Jewish. I think she has now accepted this fact. She doesn't speak English at all; she speaks a unique combination of Arabic and Hebrew so that only her immediate family members understand her well. So, I have been lucky to have sidestepped any sort of debate about my religious leanings or practices (virtually none). But she once did say something to me that took hold. She took my hands one day before my husband and I were about to leave Israel, and she said with great emphasis and direct eye contact: "Keep the Shabbat." (This was translated by my husband.)

And with that, we left for the airport. Got back to the States, got busy with life. And from time to time, especially on Saturdays (the day for Jewish Shabbat), I remembered her words. I also remembered an image of her on a Saturday in a dusty village in Israel, not far from the West Bank--this image of Jasmina lying on a couch. That was her Saturday routine, get up, have a cup of coffee, chat a little with her family and then lie down on the couch. Lunch was served from a crock pot, having been prepared the day before to sidestep cooking on Shabbat (and in the crock pot to avoid turning electricity on or off). Jasmina would eat lunch, maybe sit on the front porch a bit, and then go lie down on the couch. Sometimes her eyes were open, sometimes closed. Sometimes she was actually sleeping, and sometimes she was just half-dozing or just pretending to sleep, to avoid being bothered by her myriad grandchildren.

What impressed me most was how heavily she lay on the couch, how she let her large body sink down into its sagging cushions, how it seemed that only a fire in the house could possibly rouse her.

Let me make it clear that Jasmina is not an idle woman. On the contrary! On any other day, and especially the Friday before Shabbat, she can be found doing laundry, peeling tomatoes over a large bucket, cooking, washing dishes, feeding her three dozen or so chickens, fixing the hen house or wire fences, tending to grandchildren (almost as many as the chickens) and so forth. Here is a woman who has raised seven sons and one daughter.

Back in the U.S., in the middle of a busy Saturday, with the TV on to "take care" of the kids, me going through bills or laundry, my husband running out to Home Depot or Orchard Supply, and all of us feeling somehow fatigued, on a treadmill, I remembered Jasima on that couch.

Over the years, I made a few attempts to talk my husband into doing "Shabbat." But my heart was not quite there, either. And then, the kids showed up. And life got very, very busy. I found that on Saturdays, after a week of work, I was very tired. And still, we tried to "get things done." After work, there are bills, household chores, cleaning, cooking, shopping, errand running. And then, one week, it dawned on me that Now was the time. Life was becoming crazy and I was losing my mental health. The feeling state in our home had dipped to new lows. I had no time to read the spiritual books I loved so well. I had forgotten what "spiritual" felt like. So I spoke to my husband again, and to my surprise, he immediately agreed.

Now, as much as I love the Jewish tradition and my husband, I also happen to just adore Jesus. And what Jesus said about the Seventh Day (the resting day) was this:

"The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath."**

And so our family adopted a somewhat casual approach to Shabbat. For one thing, we do not do the big dinner on Friday night, necessarily. I found that trying to invite people over and prepare the house and food de-railed what I see as the original intent of Shabbat--to rest. And especially for women to rest. In our family, we sometimes get takeout.

I love the ritual of blessing children at the start of Shabbat, but we have not yet incorporated all the lovely Jewish blessings (for wine, for bread, for children) into our routine. I used to make my own braided Challah bread on Fridays, but that for me now is like a fantastical dream experience from another life.

Here's the most interesting part: How very long it has taken us to even be somewhat true to the basic "dictates" of Shabbat. For example, we snuck errands in often. Which made us frazzled. We put the kibosh on that. I would get on the computer "just to check a few e-mails" and be on for an hour, suddenly dazed with "to do" items and work issues, or long lost friends I "needed" to visit, phone or write. We put the kibosh on that. My husband loves watching the World Poker Tour. He's addicted. The WPT is on, like, all day on Saturday. We put the kibosh on that.

I have a hard time sitting still when the house is a mess. Most observant Jews clean the house thoroughly on Friday, but I cannot do that with any sanity. So, our house can be messy on Saturday mornings. It has taken rigorous mental discipline to let even small messes pile up or sit around through one Saturday morning. We do allow some small amount of cleaning or waxing or gardening or photo organizing as long as it fits the definition of "puttering"--meaning something you enjoy and which keeps your hands busy so your head can rest.

It has taken rigorous mental discipline not to feel as though I will go nuts if I do not "get out of the house" before 2pm. (We do still drive and go places for fun, but are discovering the wisdom of not getting in a car at all. It's nice to meet the neighbors on walks, and they are often just as friendly and human as anyone else we might devise elaborate plans to see.) It has taken the same discipline to notice when we (the adults) are once again not being present for our kids because we feel the need to "do something"--even just talk on the phone with a friend.

I have been surprised by how little I want to make plans with anybody outside of our immediate family to do anything at all now on Saturdays. When there is a plan, there is a "start time," and when there is a "start time" or a time you must be somewhere, all of a sudden, the time before that gets sorely compressed into "preparation time." Now, there is something you must think about. Someone to answer to. You are no longer playing the day by ear, you have a plan. You are back "in time."

And that's contrary to the idea of a day of rest. Or at least, my idea of a day of rest. When, since our childhoods or teenage years, have we had whole days of apparent nothingness to fill and waste? When do we now have the "time,"--or rather, the mental space, to just flow ... to become bored ... to go beyond boredom and into a sense of richness and satisfaction, an enlivening of the senses, a presence of spirit--call it human or divine, I call it both--that is really Living. And isn't that what we're all looking for, with all our busy-ness, a sense of Living, contentment, insight, inspiration, joy?

Lao Tzu said, "To know when you have enough is to be rich beyond measure." We always have enough, but we seldom slow down enough to know it. It is the paradox of the human thought system, or the ego: "Seek and do not find."*** For me Shabbat is about engendering the timeless within our human sense of time. Ideally, we would extend that same timelessness into every other day of the week. For don't we really want to Live 24/7?

So, it is interesting for me to reflect on how the Shabbat came into my life, at the right time. It touched me gently on the shoulder and invited me to follow and then stopped and waited for me many times as I considered so many other seemingly important options. It is fascinating for me to see how my husband and I still struggle with "doing nothing," how much I can still feel our lives will go to hell in a hand basket if I don't just do this one (ridiculous, meaningless) thing.

And then I think of Jasmina, and I lay my tired body down on the couch, on the bed, or a blanket on the lawn. I am restless for a moment, or ten. Then, the penny drops. I look around and see my yard--really see it. I look around and see my children--really see them. I see the sky, the crows, the neighbors' roofs and it all envelopes me, a supportive, gentle, beautiful reality.

"Rest" is Simply A State of Mind

Other delightful points about Shabbat ... It does not start at a "time" necessarily, but at sunset, Friday evening. Jewish calendars and planners list sunset times in each time zone, to the minute, but I think it far nicer and more in the spirit of things to go out and see the sun set and then declare Shabbat. The Shabbat ends when one can see three stars in Saturday's evening sky. But, like I say, Shabbat should never end, in spirit. If you try it, see how long you can keep it up.

I am not necessarily pro-Jewish over Christian. I am pro-nothing and pro-everything. But I have found that Saturday is a far better day for our family to rest because most working human adults are exhausted on Saturday. Sometimes you don't even realize this until you slow down. (In Israel, most people get off work by mid-day Friday to prepare for Shabbat.) Also, it is easier to "let things go" knowing there is still Sunday in which to "get busy" if need be. By Sunday, your mind is clearer and more alert, and your energy is better.

Finally, if the intent of the Shabbat is to help us with our mental health and sanity, then--at least for our family--when something arises that would cause more mental distress for us not to do than to do, we go and do it. We pack for the camping trip that begins on Monday. We go to the funeral. We shop for food because there is none in the house. We visit the out-of-town friends we never get to see.

Of course, societal pressures also figure in, and I sometimes struggle with how and when to say No. No, I will not bake cupcakes for the fundraiser. No, I will not volunteer to lead the book sale. No, we will not come to the birthday party. No, I will not answer the phone. As Byron Katie has said (not in so many words): Sometimes a No is a big, fat Yes. A Yes to one's Self, one's Being and one's Life.

We are not perfect at Shabbat, or even at resting, particularly. Perhaps what we do, as a family, should not be called Shabbat at all. Call it a Day of Rest then. I do hope others follow. I know others have led. I also know that if more people did this, or simply approached life with more of a restful, one-step-at-a-time spirit, mental and physical health problems would decline in our society, so would crime, violence and abuse of many sorts.

At the very least, our imperfect "Shabbat" is one busy family's answer to the question that has nagged me for the last half-dozen years: If we do not enjoy life (our children, our families) now, today, this instant, when will we?

Your comments greatly anticipated and appreciated.

--With Love, from a Mystical Mama

*A Course in Miracles, Workbook, I: 50: 3

**Obviously, New Testament, please advise.

*** Also from a Course in Miracles, Lord knows where!

God is a We

2007-07-11T07:11:00.000-07:00

"God does not forgive because He has never condemned."

--A Course in Miracles

"The Kingdom of Heaven lies within you."

--Jesus of Nazareth

"Heaven is not a place, it is a conscious state."

--Sydney Banks

"Now ... is as far as you'll ever go."

--Unknown

"God is a We."

--Me

Mystical Mamas

2007-07-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

As a first-time pregnant gal, I started in with all the requisite books, i.e. "What to Expect ... " (Hah!), "The Baby Whisperer," and many other books about other people's "good ideas" about parenting. I got so confused, I finally just gave up and decided to maybe try my own instincts. Books and products about babies and birth (natural and otherwise) and child rearing seem to have become a boom industry along the lines of weddings and food shows.

There is a lot of thinking out there about how to be as a mom--or dad, I suppose. I think it's mostly moms who read all these books though. New moms are a vulnerable lot: we certainly do feel that we've entered uncharted territory--maps and guides appear useful. More maps! More guides!

But it is my general belief that as a culture, we've "made too much" of everything. Did anyone hear the news that parents actually spend more time with their kids now than ever before? (I'd love to get the source on this.) And we thought we were neglecting our children! It's time to stop taking everyone else's advice and begin to follow our own. Is parenting really such a big deal?

Here in our humble family, my husband now takes care of the kids. Our income, of course is lower than average for educated Bay Area types (I guess). Both my husband and I have chosen to pursue meaningful, self-directed work over high incomes (a possible mistake?), but we live our lives in our own unique fashion, and we hope others are doing the same.

My fear, however, is that they are not. There is so very much discussion about everything--as if our choices at every turn were life and death. Do your children sleep in bed with you? Yes? Fantastic! Do you tuck them in and close the door to their own private rooms? Great! Did you breast feed? Fabulous! Did you choose formula instead? Good for you!

I am pretty sure now that it is not so much what you do with your children that matters as much as the feeling state you do it in. And part of maintaining a positive feeling state in the home is about not worrying.

For example: not worrying about how you are putting your children to bed, not worrying about whether they ate too much candy this afternoon, not worrying about how clean the house is, how much TV is being watched, is the pre-school providing enough pre-academic instruction? and so forth ... A worried parent is a distracted, unhappy parent. A worried parent is not "present." And I am not speaking of neglect (which is often the result of too much worrying about other things: the self, life, for example).

There was this wonderful post-humous quote on (of all things) "Extreme Home Makeover" last night. The father of the new-home-needing family used to say this one thing before he passed away, and it got inscribed on a stone bench in the backyard of the new and fabulous house.

"There is plenty to think about, but nothing to worry about."

This from a man diagnosed with cancer.

Worry is the great cancer of parenthood. Better replaced with "reflection."

There is a wisdom in you and in me, and in our children and partners that emerges when we actually stop worrying and start reflecting. We know what to do--with our children, our work, our homes. We know what "feels right" for us. Wherever we are and in whatever condition. As one of my teachers, Sydney Banks, has said: "no matter what situation you are in, no matter how deplorable, Truth will take you out of it."

A mystical mama worries (of course, she is a human being, too) ... and then she drops her worrying and gets quiet.

And then the answer comes. Maybe not even from her. Maybe from the child. Maybe from the Dad.

The best parenting for our families comes from us and from within our families. Good ideas are good ideas and often useful. Wisdom is always right on target.

What do other people think? The experts? The neighbors? The professionals? The media?

Who cares?!

Please, do share your thoughts if they are authentic ...

Hot and Sour Soup

2007-07-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

During a week in Yosemite, schlepping along a toddler, a baby, half the contents of our house, enough food to feed all the bears in the park, and a few ground squirrels too, I had the epiphany to begin a blog. The epiphany came somewhere around Tuolumne Meadows--one of the many heavens here on Earth, here in the actual Garden. So many large hearted, giant spirited others have had their own epiphanies in Tuolumne Meadows--John Muir, Ansel Adams and Elizabeth Stone O'Neill (author of "Tuolumne: How the Runny River Ran") among them. I consider myself to be, then, in excellent company.

This blog is my entirely free creative outlet. For many years, I was a journalist and essayist, staff writer and freelancer ... and then, after writing an investigative article on depression and the use of medications (see "Club Meds" at www.MetroActive.com) I abruptly answered a calling to work in the helping field. I now run a non-profit organization, write self-help-ish books, funded by foundations.

But my poetic spirit has also called, again, to be let loose in the world of language and ideas--to be free to speak of God if I so choose (and not a co-opted, defined God, just that word--the creative life force ... that which cannot be named, but always is.) To be free to speak of apple butter (where did it go?), Israel, babies and belly dancing. To use words like: tumescence and crepuscular, bedraggled and abscond.

So here I am. I wish I had an editor, of course. I do not have the time--with two children and a full time job running a "start up" organization, as well as various other funded writing projects--to do a great deal of research and fact checking here. This will be just rough and ready prosetry from me. Hot and sour soup. Spicy. Colorful. All mixed up. Ideally, fresh and nourishing.

Always a good way to begin.